George Lucas Needs To Die

Okay, maybe calling for the death of George Lucas is a bit extreme, but what else is the appropriate moral response to the man who keeps screwing with the movies you love so much?

Mr. Lucas recently announced that he's going to release the Star Wars movies in 3D.

I still fondly remember waiting in line for Episode I. The large, huge line of people waiting at the Wynnsong Cinema in north Provo became a kind of woodstock for nerds, and boy did we have fun. But, then we actually watched the movie.

I can remember being in denial about it. I can remember saying that I liked it. I can even recall that I went ten times to see it (mostly just because friends would invite me and I didn't have anything better to do). Then I went on my mission, and upon returning saw Episode II the next day.

I hated it. HATED it. And I knew why I hated it, aside from the fact that it was atrocious. As my friend Allan said, no matter how bad these prequels got, there's always hope that Lucas will attain his former greatness for the next one. And no matter how hard you try, how deep you bury it, how much mud and earth and cement you try to bury it under, the flicker of hope never fully dies. Its light always shines through. Besides, the trailers for Episode III looked good!

Then I watched this (I've edited it from its original cut):



The light of hope finally flickered and died. The moment I read "A Lost Hope" in this fake fan trailer was the moment my inner child died. He's been dead ever since.

As my birthday present that year Allan said he would buy me tickets to two movies, and opted to buy me a ticket to Episode III. Otherwise, I'm really not sure I would have ever actually seen it. And this one was actually okay, because for 10 minutes in the middle Anakin is a 2.5 dimensional character. Or maybe my expectations were so low that there was no way Lucas couldn't have reached them. I'm not sure. I've blogged about this before.

But when I hear Lucas is trying, yet again, to revisit (read: screw up) his original genius creations, I simply shake my head. You killed my inner child. Why would I go back?

So when this guy at CNN says, "We will say how we hate it. We will say we won't go. But as it gets closer we will cave. The worst part is you know we will and that we still care about your creations," I laugh.

I'm not going to go. I admit the possibility that someday I will see Star Wars in 3D if I'm ever at somebody's house, they have a 3D TV, and that's what all my friends vote to watch.

But it won't be my vote. You see, my friends, this, below, is the only appropriate moral response to George Lucas. It's not murder, but it'll do.