I Feel Like Schrödinger's Cat

Leaving the LDS Cult of False Expectations

2012-01-30T12:29:00.011-05:00

Well, I had in mind to write this post, but then decided it might come across as arrogant. But when this article by Carrie Sheffield showed up in the Washington Post today, and is currently the most emailed article from the opinion section, I decided I would write this up anyways. Because the article gets almost everything so terribly terribly wrong about Mormonism. Or at least what Mormonism is supposed to be.

I want to make it clear up front that I understand that many people have experiences in the LDS church that mirror the ones from the post. But part of me gets very angry at those situations, because it’s not supposed to be that way. One of the major reasons, I suspect, that I’ve never had a crisis of faith in the church is that my family has always been amazing. We are able to discuss things openly. We are encouraged to read. We occasionally make fun of speakers in church, or teachers, or seminary instructors. (Just when they deserve to be made fun of, which to be fair happens to all of us at some point.) Dad once said that “no hallowed hand will stop the work from progressing” either. Recently we had a very good friend decide to leave the church, and while of course we were all dismayed, this friend is still in the rotation for Christmas presents, and will always be welcome at our house. My father sent him a half-joking email that basically said “Well, you’re still an Apple fan, right?” Haha.

Also, I married Susan. Turns out her family is absolutely amazing too.

As exhibits A-C, I give you what happened this Christmas vacation with her family.

Exhibit A. The two oldest grandsons got microscopes for Christmas. Science and thinking are encouraged in our family. The oldest son of Susan’s oldest sister is an astoundingly intelligent second-grader who plays games like “particle accelerator” for fun (he runs into a small hut with 2 balls-a helium atom, and comes out with, say, 8-an oxygen atom!). For Halloween he was a scientist, and couldn’t understand why everybody asked if he was a mad scientist. Just a regular old scientist, thank you very much.

Exhibit B. Two days after Christmas we went to the Museum of Natural History down in the Smithsonian Mall in downtown DC. The grandkids wanted to go to the exhibit on human evolution, and we took them. There was nary a discussion about how the science was false, or that the Bible/Book of Moses/Book of Abraham/Temple Ceremony disproved the exhibit, or that there was no death before Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden because they ate an apple after being beguiled by a talking snake. I’m sure someday the children will have good discussions with their parents about science and scripture, but it wasn’t December 26, 2011. That day was all science.

Exhibit C. For Family Home Evening we played a variation on the hot/cold game. Basically we’d sing a song, whether a church song or Frosty the Snowman or whatever, and the grandchildren would take turns trying to find the object. When they got close, we sang louder. When they got farther away, we sang softer. I kid you not, the object they were chasing after was a small, stuffed black sheep. My brother-in-law introduced the game saying “some families shun their black sheep, but in this family we go seeking after them.” He was not kidding. There was no joking smile on his face. He was serious. I was flabbergasted. I mean, I had just assumed that it was understood that we would not shun our own, that through example that lesson would be taught. But here was an actual object lesson on seeking after the black sheep! Oh that I had recorded it on my phone for you all to see!

So when Carrie Sheffield writes in the above linked article “but the family-values facade applies only if you stay in the fold. Former Mormons know the family estrangement and bigotry that often come with questioning or leaving the church,” that’s not true for many families. (At least she said “often,” and I accept that as true.)

When she writes, “the church I was raised in values unquestioning obedience over critical thinking,” that doesn’t resemble the church I was raised in. Obedience is important, sure. God’s house is a house of order. But the phrase “obedience is the first law of heaven” never occurs in the scriptures. In fact, I think Jesus rather pointedly disagrees in Matthew 22:35-40.

When she writes “Salt Lake City’s male gerontocracy told me to avoid books and marry” that doesn’t seem to jive with some of the things said by our leaders quoted here, in the Daily Universe, no less! Though my brother Stephen concludes (rather obviously, I think) “something within the LDS community disincentivizes female educational ambition” here. The times, though, they are a-changin’, as evidenced by this post by a good friend of mine who comes from a fairly conservative mother, but her mother still encouraged her to at least get a Master’s. (At least, ha!)

When Sheffield writes, “I met with a high-ranking Mormon leader who told me to quit reading historical and scientific materials because they were ‘worse than pornography.’” That doesn’t sound at all like the servant of a God who commanded us to learn about EVERYTHING and to read all the best books (D&C 88:79, 118). (I’m not doubting that there was some high-ranking leader that said that, just that he was wrong.) I have a much stronger testimony (from the Spirit, I think) of Hugh B. Brown’s statement “Preserve, then, the freedom of your mind in education and in religion, and be unafraid to express your thoughts and to insist upon your right to examine every proposition. We are not so much concerned with whether your thoughts are orthodox or heterodox as we are that you shall have thoughts.” This was quoted to me the first week of my bioethics class at BYU, and you can find the entire talk linked here at the BYU President’s Page.

I’m more sympathetic to the Dean of Religious Education not answering Sheffield’s growing list of questions. I don’t think it’s his job to answer every growing list of questions from every undergrad at BYU. But I’m sorry she didn’t take classes from the wonderful professors at BYU that I took from. Because, and this may surprise people, there are religion professors at BYU that aren’t simply seminary teachers on steroids. I took my first Book of Mormon class and had such a negative experience that a decade later I can still meet up with people from that freshman academy section and laugh at it (this happened to me 2 weeks ago). So when I signed up for religion classes after that, I did my homework and made sure I was taking from professors that would more suit my personal educational and spiritual needs. And, with the exception of that first Book of Mormon class, all of my religion classes at BYU were exceptional, mind-blowing, challenging, and factual (I now know Oliver Cowdery was likely a dowser, thanks to Spencer Fluhman)!

When she writes “my parents shut me out of their home for nearly five years because of religion, and some former friends shunned me,” I don’t know anywhere where any general authority said to leave the lost sheep out in the cold and let it die. Jesus certainly didn’t. Basic Christian Fail here. Far too many Mormons do this. But I dare you to find a general authority that would agree with the proposition “I should shun, kick out, never speak to, and have no contact with any children of mine that leave the church.”

When she writes, “Perhaps someday the church will not excommunicate, fire and demote people who want honest, church-wide dialogue about Mormon history and doctrine,” I really think that time has passed. Go look at the Mountain Meadows Massacre Book from Oxford University Press, or the Joseph Smith Papers project, or the fact that you can buy Rough Stone Rolling at Deseret Book. I was 12 when the September 6 events happened. And now I hate going to Sunstone Salt Lake City because any event with the September 6 turns into “who can get the biggest hit in on President Packer.” The other Sunstone meetings are much more productive, in my opinion. And BYU doesn’t kick professors like Charles Harrell out for writing a book like this one.

Professor Harrell also teaches seminary and institute. (There should still probably be more seminary and institute teachers like him, and less like the one I had in high school that accused me, a nerd that wargamed once a month or so, of cheating because I wiped the floor with the rest of my class in . . . you guessed it, a wargame, and that thought the movie Contact was great because Ellie Arroway ends up in heaven at the end…. Not even going there.)

I think that for far too many in the church have set up a false church. They think that their church says science is satanic, that it tells all of its women to only stay home and produce babies, that the prophets and apostles are infallible, never have disagreed, don’t currently disagree, never will disagree, and meet with the Savior weekly in the temple meeting Thursday morning, that all of church history is puppies and rainbows and roses except for when other bad evil nasty people attack the completely innocent and saintly Mormons and maybe the 116 pages incident, that polygamy was introduced and ended without a hitch, that anybody who is questioning the church in any way, shape, or form must be secretly a dirty sinning apostate because why would you ask questions unless you had been completely abandoned by the Spirit?!?, that the Book of Mormon civilizations were every Native American from the top of Alaska to the bottom of South America, that every prophet from Adam to Thomas S. Monson knew exactly everything that every other prophet knew, and that it all corresponds to the current correlated manuals, and that everybody outside the church is not going to end up in the Celestial Kingdom so we should shun them, even members of our own families, too bad for them.

I call this the LDS Cult of False Expectations.

The solution is to leave it.

Now, there are two ways to leave it. You can either (1) take off from the LDS church itself, or (2) you can get Mormonism right.

My family largely gets it right. We are largely what Mormons are supposed to be. When I was graduating from my MA program at the Yale Divinity School we had a barbecue at one of the other LDS student’s house with my family and the other families who were there. The host came up to me afterward and said “Carl, your parents are the kind of people Mormonism is supposed to produce.”

I’m so terribly sorry for all of those who grew up or are currently in environments, whether a ward, a seminary or institue class, or a family, or whatever, that adheres to and teaches the principles of the LDS Cult of False Expectations. I'm sorry that many Mormons aren't what they are supposed to be. In many ways, Sheffield’s article should be a wake-up call to Mormons in general. Nay, a call to repentance! We’re not getting our own religion right. It’s not supposed to be that way. I was blessed enough to be born into, and later to marry into, a family that largely, I think, does get it right. But we have work to do ourselves. Everybody does. The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints. And no, I'm not engaging in a No True Scotsman fallacy.

So please leave the LDS Cult of False Expectations.

Not the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Guest Posting at the Juvenile Instructor

2012-01-25T17:02:00.006-05:00

Matt Bowman, who is the author of one of the textbooks I'm using in my class on Mormonism this semester, has invited me to do a guest stint about teaching the class at the Juvenile Instructor blog. You can read the first entry here. I won't be posting here on my personal blog every time I put something there, but this link ought to get you to all of my posts, as they go up.

R.I.P. Bob Anderson, Swordfight Dude Extraordinaire

2012-01-23T00:26:00.004-05:00

Who's Bob Anderson? Why would I write a post about him?

Well, as you read this obituary of his from the NY Times you will realize that he's the man behind pretty much all best sword fight scenes ever. Heck, the guy played Darth Vader during the lightsaber duels for Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi!

One of the reasons I didn't like the new Star Wars movies was precisely because of the lightsaber fights. Sure, they were faster, more frenetic, and probably better on a technical level, but there was no story told in them. I must agree with Aint-It-Cool-News' Quint that, "while the prequel saber duels are epic at times I have to say Mr. Anderson put more character in a simple parry in Star Wars, Empire or Jedi than you see in the entire massively choreographed fights in the prequels."

It was largely because of him that the Lightsaber is the coolest weapon.

Ever.

But now he has died. And while there will be many swordfights in movies for centuries to come, part of me feels that they won't be as cool. After all, he did (get ready for a trip down memory lane):

Star Wars

The Pirates of the Caribbean

The Princess Bride

Highlander: The TV Series

The Mask of Zorro

The Lord of the Rings

Think of how different those swordfights all are. From the emotional gravitas of The Empire Strikes Back to the whimsy of The Princess Bride to the realism of The Lord of the Rings, Bob Anderson knew how to tell a story in a duel. I've enjoyed many of his choreographed duels. It's sad that I won't ever do so again.

Repentance, Or Susan Spiritually PWNED Me

2012-01-10T17:39:00.012-05:00

I follow a variety of LDS blogs, everything from Joanna Brooks and Mormon Stories to the official LDS Newsroom, and many in-between. This post caught my attention, for a few reasons.

First, I'm glad that the leadership of the church is paying attention to the Bloggernacle. There's a lot of good things going on there that I think are serving the needs of many of the members of the church.

Second, I'm glad that in some way this makes the channels of communication open between the people on the ground and the church leadership, at least for the Relief Society President. I completely agree, in a 14 million member church, that we should not expect the general authorities to respond to every letter they get personally. That's just not feasible. However, the result of that is that I can easily see the leadership becoming more isolated at the Church Office Building than they, or us, would like. This is a great way for Sister Beck to sit down and answer real questions and have an honest and open unscripted discussion. I'm looking forward to what she has to say. Sadly, I just noticed that the comments are now closed, but you can still go and click the "like" button on a comment or question that you want to give more attention to. (They can be sorted by "most popular" to see which questions have gotten the most attention.)

However, I was discussing this with Susan just before sacrament meeting on Sunday and mentioned one that she herself has had. Basically, Susan teaches the sunbeam class. She finds this fun and fulfilling, but it does mean that she misses out on adult interaction at church a lot. Many things are done or announced only in Relief Society, like signing up to feed the missionaries or clean the church, so she can't easily participate in those kinds of things either. According to the comments on the blog post, this is a problem for many women because they end up eternally stuck in primary or young women's. (Or another example would be doing music callings because you're one of two people in the congregation that can do so.) There are many reasons for this. Possibly the bishops aren't aware of their history of callings. This happened to one of my sisters-in-law with regard to a nursery calling once, after their ward boundaries were rearranged. Perhaps the stereotype that women are better nurturers means they are more likely to be eternally stuck in something other than Relief Society. Or, perhaps nobody else will take those callings. This last possibility was mentioned in the blog post's comments.

So I was talking with Susan about this and I was just musing out loud. "You know, people should be willing to take whatever calling they are given, so that people can be rotated out of something they've been stuck in for a while," I said. "Those people are kind of jerks." Susan agreed, but a few moments later asked if she could say something on her mind that wasn't very nice. "Of course," I said.

"What did you tell the bishop about being a teacher for people under the age of twelve?"

My mind flashed back. I believe my words were something along the line of "if you give me a job teaching children under the age of twelve, there would likely be bloodshed."
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Well, crud. Turns out I'm one of those jerks I was so self-righteously condemning.

Sorry. I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord. Over mountain or plain or sea. Perhaps a lowly place in earth's harvest fields so white where I may labor through life's short day for Jesus the crucified. . .

. . . might be into the primary.

Zuill Bailey, Read This!

2012-01-07T21:16:00.005-05:00

I have no illusions that he’ll actually find my little blog entry. Maybe he will if he’s narcissistic enough to google himself. (Hey, don’t we all succumb to that temptation every once in a while?)

Zuill,

Today I attended your concert of the six suites for unaccompanied cello by Bach. When my Father-in-law first offered tickets to a concert this season, I choose this one because, well, I play the cello (though not nearly as much as I should . . . mostly because my cello is actually in Utah) and I do enjoy the Bach suites. I thought “Oh, the Bach suites. Sure. I’d like to listen to those.” I was expecting a nice little solo concert.

What I was not expecting was a mind-blowing, paradigm shifting experience.

It didn’t feel like a concert to me. You were so casual about the entire thing that I felt I was in a lecture hall. (I’m probably weird in thinking that lectures are casual. At least I think they’re more casual than the formal affairs I feel concerts normally are.) It felt like I was listening to a music professor talk about, and demonstrate, different opinions on and giving basic background information about the suites. And that was wonderful! I felt like I was listening live to one of the Great Courses lecture series, or maybe a TED talk, and I love those!

The printed program notes were inadequate, but the little bit you spoke of each of the suites, and the bits of background information, not to mention the humor, actually very very much enhanced the music.

For example, now I’m very angry at everybody for spelling it “gigue” my entire life. When you mentioned casually that one of the dances was from Ireland, I had to pause and think which one. And then when I heard you play the jigs . . . it actually sounded like music Irish would dance to! Blew my mind! I’ve probably listened to Yo-Yo Ma play the suites hundreds of times in the background as I work on this or that project or whatever, but watching you play them in person was simply an astounding experience. To watch someone perform, and even sometimes struggle (hey, you were the one that said the sixth suite, written for a 5-stringed cello, would induce “internal bleeding”) with the music was an immensely enjoyable experience. I got a hint of what you meant when the other cellists at Julliard told you that they don’t play Bach “in public.”

Well, sir, you did. You played it in public in front of me and the rest of the audience, all the while dazzling with your technique and your interpretation, which made more sense to me than any interpretation of the suites ever has. You did so with grace and poise, and even humor in your lectures. It was, for me, the most fun I’ve actually ever had with classical music, and I’ve had a lot of fun with it over the years as a participant and an observer. The suites make sense to me in a way they never have before—both as a set of six suites and the individual movements within each suite. The encore performance of the Prelude to Suite No. 1 was the absolute perfect touch to end the concert on after the very challenging and complicated-sounding sixth suite.

Again, it’s not like I hadn’t heard them or didn’t like them before. But every once in a while there’s some event or moment that affects a paradigm shift in the way we think of something. I had one today about the Bach suites, listening to your lecture/performance.

Thank you for a most enjoyable afternoon.

Resolutions 2012

2012-01-06T22:56:00.002-05:00

I didn't get my resolutions from 2011 accomplished. But I'm happy to say it's the first time in many years this has happened, so I have a decent track record.

My resolution for 2012 is simple? Back to basics for me.

1. Study daily from the Book of Mormon. (Not just read, actually study, ponder, etc.)

2. Start working on the NPR Top 100 Science Fiction and Fantasy novels. You can keep up with me! Here's a google doc tracking my progress! I just finished all of the Conan stories (number 68, all in the public domain . . . in Australia).

Year In Review 2011

2011-12-31T22:58:00.030-05:00

Here's Dave Barry's Year in Review.

Here's mine:

January 1. We ring in the new year in Greensburgh, PA, with Nathan and Robin.

Most of January is spent working on Thank-You notes for our wedding gifts. Ugh. Also, towards the end of January the snow begins to fall again, prompting Jana Erwin to come up with PTSD-post-traumatic snowmageddon disorder. Just for the girls, I suppose. Our power never goes out.

January 29. We hold a housewarming party in our apartment. Within 10 seconds of arriving David Baker has found Susan’s letter opener that looks like an assassin’s dagger.

February 11-12. The third biannual Faith and Knowledge conference is held at Duke University. I’m not presenting, but I go down to see my friends anyway. Susan comes with, and I almost completely ignore her several times as Seth, Jason, and I pick up our conversations from Yale practically where they left off. Richard Bushman shows that he really is a gentleman and a scholar when he goes to talk to Susan about the fantasy book she is reading instead of joining our conversation.

February 22. In my dreams I’m married to another girl, one who Susan and I both know. This is a great girl, and any man would do well to date her, and whoever marries her will be marrying a wonderful girl. However, in my dream, Susan walks by with her family, and I, for the first time ever, wake up from a nightmare, practically shouting "No!"

That’s right. I have nightmares about NOT being married to Susan.

February 23. My new Dungeons and Dragons campaign, The Salvation of Jenoa, begins. I’ve recruited Allan (who is the DM for my other campaign), his brother David, my brother Caleb, Michael, a friend of mine from Yale, and Elizabeth, a friend of his from Yale. By now I’ve discovered the wonders of eBay in acquiring my own set of the manuals from the 3.5 edition of the game, which is a superior edition to the more recent 4th edition, which makes everything like a video game, not a role-playing game.

March 17. Susan is so tired when she leans over to kiss me she totally misses and kisses the pillow instead of my arm.

March 28. I find out that one of my best friends is leaving the LDS church. He trusts me enough to “come out” to me earlier than many other of his friends, for which I am honored. He begins to ask me questions about other churches and religions, and I have to confront the fact that, despite the fact that I think that the only intellectually viable options are atheism and Mormonism, I’d rather he become some other kind of Christian than become atheist. It’s an interesting moment for me.

April 9. Ben and Laura Pacini cannot use their circus tickets, so Susan and I drive to Baltimore to see the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus!

May 6. Gabriel Cranney is born, child of Nathan and Robin.

May 9. Stargate Universe airs its last episode. I hate when good science fiction is cancelled before its time.

May 19. We head up to Greensburg to hang out with my Mom, “Oma,” and the newest nephew Gabe.

May 29. I have to do laundry (usually Susan does it, I do all the dishes). In the category of “if you do something poorly enough the firs time, you’ll never be asked to do it again . . .”

May 30. I take the Latin translation exam at CUA. Again.

May 31. While getting into the car, I accidentally drop my iPhone on the ground. It shatters the screen. Luckily, Apple is awesome, and replaces it for free!

June 3, 9. Nathan comes down from Greensburg to get his army gear, bringing Alex. He doesn’t have enough time to do it the first week, so he comes down again, next time with his whole family! I teach Alex to double dip his French fries in ketchup. Nathan and I play a rousing game of Battlemasters, just like the old days!

June 17-18. We go camping at Ohiopyle State Park in PA with the Pacinis. The following video of me is taken:

June 23. Georgetown offers me a theology class for the fall, The Problem of God. This is the best possible job I could have at this point in my career. Who hoo!

June 25. Steve Ward perfects his “Death by Smoothie.” Susan and I (and the Rockville Ward missionaries) are the first ones to taste the gloriousness of his master creation.

July 2. Susan and I travel up to Thurmont, MD, to watch our oldest Mikkelsen nephew, Isaac, get baptized. I’m honored to be able to stand in the circle to confirm him. Isaac is a wonderful, thoughtful, and insightful 8 year old. I can tell the experience means a lot to him. We actually get to go to Thurmont a lot, but for some reason because it’s only 45 minutes away, the trips don’t feel as big to me, so they don’t get mentions here that often. Not sure why.

July 4. I actually get to see the Washington, D.C. fireworks for the 4th of July!

July 15-17. Susan and I travel to Palmyra, NY, to see the Hill Cumorah Pageant. It’s the church history area that I’ve been most interested in my entire life. The pilgrimage is everything I wanted it to be.

July 21-25. The Holbrook family reunion is held in Eden, UT. It’s a great trip to see the rest of the Cranney side of the family. This time Bronson is not afraid of my beard.

August 5-12. It’s the yearly Mikkelsen (just the immediate family) reunion. We spend a week in Williamsburg and Jamestown, VA, visiting the historical sites. I realize that the only consistent picture I’m collecting of the nephews and niece on that side of the family are of them attempting to shoot me. I’m missing one of Nat and one of Isaac trying to shoot me, however. Pictures are included in the last link.

August 11. NPR releases their Top 100 Science Fiction and Fantasy list, giving me my goof off book list for the next decade.

August 23. My first earthquake. My friend Shannon gets quote of the day: “Yes, there was an earthquake in DC, but I'm fine. Because I was getting my hair cut when it happened, I got to run around the streets of DC in a black cape for a bit...just what I have always wanted.”

August 26. I eat Maryland Blue Crabs for the first time ever, cracking their shells and pulling their meat out with my bare hands! I feel very . . . barbaric. Like I’m actually earning my meal. It’s kinda nice.

September 3-6. Another trip to Greensburg, this time to see Opa and Uncle Caleb, who will be entering the MTC on the 26th of October to go to Taiwan.

September 2. I find out that I passed the Latin translation exam I took back on May 30th!

September 6. Susan and I go to Borders for the last time. Sadness.

September 8. Best. Run. Ever. Why? The pouring rain, of course!

Also September 8. Georgetown offers me the chance to teach a class on Mormonism in the Spring! Since teaching about Mormonism is pretty much my dream job, my career will all be downhill after next semester!

September 11. The 10th year anniversary of the attacks in NYC, Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon. I spend the morning watching the news clips as they would have happened, and also watching United 93. It feels almost sacramental to me.

September 12. After several weeks of attempts during Family Home Evening, I successfully tie my first bowtie on myself.

September 17. Bookclub on the Beach down in Norfolk, VA isn’t actually on the beach, because it rained a lot. But I got to see the USS enterprise, courtesy of Jeff and Erin. Jeff is in the U.S. Navy.

September 30. Simeon is born to Stephen and Rachel. In less than two years, we have gone from 0 to 5 nephews on the Cranney side. Rebecca is pregnant, but by this time we don’t know yet if it will be a boy or a girl.

October 8. At Colorfest in Thurmont, I try fried twinkies, fried oreos, and fried snickers bars. America, this is why you’re fat. But they’re really good!

October 15. I attend the Mormon Stories conference here in DC. I’m on the organizing committee. It’s not quite my group of people (I’m still a firm believer in the LDS church), but it’s a pretty great weekend nonetheless.

October 21. Our first trip up to Philly where Stephen my brother has just begun his PhD in Demography at Penn. Oma is there, and “Baby Si” is adorable. Christian is beginning to speak.

October 30. The ward does their annual primary program. Susan is quite relieved after all the work they put into making sure the Sunbeams wouldn’t mess the whole thing up. They kids also repeat their performance for the Rock Creek ward, which consists entirely of temple missionaries, who all miss their real grandkids.

November 19. Perfect day.

November 23-26. Thanksgiving up in Philly! Christian is into full blow sentences now. Baby Si smiles at me. I’m the first person he did so to! Luckily for me, he smiles at his Mom the next day. On the 25th I catch a fly with one hand. I’m so surprised that I don’t know what to do with it, so I let it go.

November 24. On Thanksgiving, Susan and I celebrate our first wedding anniversary. We finish the Book of Mormon together as a couple at about 12:30 am on the 25th. Close enough.

November 28. I’m not sure why, but I wrote down in my Evernote that on some issue I was more conservative than Bruce R. McConkie. For the life of me, I cannot now think of or remember what it was!

November 30. My comprehensives committee is finally assembled, and I begin to work earnestly on compiling my book list. I’ve been studying French since the summer months, and I’m looking forward to being done with this part of the program.

November 30. My previously dead inner child takes a breath for the first time since 2005.

December 21-30. The Cannons arrive in town, and I am utterly unproductive until the end of the year hanging out with Family. It’s a fabulous week. Both sides of my extended family are exactly what Mormonism is designed to create in families. I am so very very richly blessed.

December 30. I successfully capture a picture of Nat trying to shoot me. Now I just need one of Isaac and Peter and I'll have the complete collection of Mikkelsen kids trying to shoot me. (To be fair, I don't think Peter is old enough yet that such a picture is really going to happen for a little while yet.)

December 31. We ring in the new year by going to dinner with our very good friend Steve Ward, who has returned to the DC area after a short stint in New Mexico. It’s been a marvelous year, except for the fact that I said farewell to Stargate Universe (in my top 5 Sci-Fi shows ever), the space shuttle, and Borders.

Quotes of the Day from 2011.

The Quote of the Year comes from Ben Pacini. In this year of political turmoil, many items of which you can see in the entries I've posted this year, he always comes up with wise and calming things to say, including this one:

When I find in a political discussion I begin to hate someone or loose the spirit, I have to back off, because that's a sign I've gone to a bad place. I'm worried that I will get to Zion and be angry because the tax rates are too high.

Random Photos 2011

2011-12-31T11:40:00.089-05:00

Here we go! All the random photos I took this year!

Greensburg, PA. My brother, wife and I are visiting his campus when we come upon what we initially think might be a dead body. It's not, but from behind, it's not that easy to tell.

For your grandma, who doesn't understand what facebook is.

How many people liked the fact that the federal government was shut down due to weather?

The temple, when on minimal power.

No idea why there's a polar bear on the cover of our ward's program.

Well, this is a gem of a book.

Love this car that I always see in the parking lot at MCCC.

Several years later, when cleaning up and helping Steve Ward finally move out of the apartment I used to live in, I find this pair of women's pants. We don't know who, and we don't know when, but apparently someone came over once and left a pair of pants. We promise all the parties we held there were adhered to LDS church standards.

On one of my runs on the Rock Creek Trail, Officer Friendly decided to say "screw driving on the road!"

Huge flock of birds in the sky over the White Flint Mall parking lot. It was beautiful.

A large windstorm knocked this tree over in the woods behind our house.

Awww. Some kid parked his bike in the bike rack.

Please ask for assistance for what? I don't get it. (This was just sitting in the grocery store. I'm not sure what threat was so dire they needed to post a warning to ask for assistance.)

4d2? I think that means you just flip a coin 4 times.

For a brief moment, Susan and I found ourselves talking to ourselves, but in the past . . . it was pretty funny. We're not sure how it happened.

Look closely. On the tree, in what looks like the third from the left column of bricks, there is a VERY large hawk. Just chillin' in our parking lot.

Makes me sad that even when Borders is going out of business, Tale of Two Cities is not being bought up.

Best. Helmet. Decoration. Ever.

A fabulous bumper sticker.

Steve wearing his garage door opener.

Are there sideways stories from this school?

Great stickers.

The gives you a small glimpse of how beautiful it was to have the sunset reflecting off the wet road on our way up to Greensburg.

Someone made a butterfly go all 'splodey.

My poor iPhone. Luckily Apple is awesome, so they gave me a new one. For free.

Finally cleaned out my wallet, at Susan's request.

Interesting how Apple's product names have become so pervasive in our culture. This at a military base where we went with my brother to buy his uniforms.

Only in Potomac do student drivers get to drive these babies.

Solar powered bench at CUA, in the shadow of the basilica.

Xan was enjoying his new chat program.

My MIL is the primary president, and I saw this on her floor. Hilarious.

Unlimited time only.

Always two there are . . .

Ah, bumper sticker wars not taking place on bumpers.

These two look like they had a head-on collision, and one of them was drinking milk?

My home teaching partner paints models for fun. He's really good at it. If I ever win the lottery, I'll pay him to paint my own armies for Warhammer and Warhammer 40k.

Susan being all domestic. By smashing things with a rock.

Sadness. This was one of our favorite serving dishes, given as a wedding present. From 10,000 villages.

I like that the only friends of mine who switched their profile pictures to my DC friends alignment poster were those whose alignment fit into the "evil" category. Russ Bowers himself still has his profile picture as his, as of this writing (12/29/11).

The iPhone can take pretty good pictures. Deer in the forest behind our apartment.

The employees will not wash your hands.

Wait, women want what?

Right after the best run ever. In the pouring rain.

Whenever I see things like this, I think a volcano is about to explode under my feet. At Georgetown.

Someone left their pants on the ground. I put them there so they could find them. The pants remained there for several days.

My first successful attempt at tying a bowtie!

This guy was taking photos of our bus. Not sure why. I snapped this photo of him and emailed it to myself. In case my bus suddenly exploded or something. Hey, you never know. The guy might be a terrorist!

Some idiot decided to chalk this up right by the Rockville Metro station. Susan and I saw a cop investigating it, but it was just chalk, so it was gone the next day. Way to go. Moron. (Yeah, I'm sure that's helping spread the gospel and creating goodwill towards our church.)

What do you do when your wife/significant other is shoe shopping? Sit down and play on your iPhone. Keep in mind that I was there, in that same area of that same store, to take this picture, with my iPhone.

Self-explanatory.

I don't think we want to escape Agape. But that could just be me. ("Agape" is the term translated "charity" in the New Testament.)

Flowers adorning a car.

Love this thank you card. Signed by both the bride, a wonderful, thoughtful person, and the groom, who is wonderful and thoughtful (I enjoy talking to him very much), just not about the same things.

Fighting breast cancer, one store display made of soda cases at a time.

I don't think I needed the sign to tell me it's inedible.

This was for a jewelry store in Philly, when we looked it up.

There was only one chair by this time. :(

3/3rds, huh?

Primary kids running around working out the jiggles during their practice for the annual primary program.

I'm not sure if the guy at the bottom of the picture is Edward Scissorhands or a Roman Catholic priest.

I'm happy to add my own little spin to random things left on the board at my Georgetown class. Guess which part I wrote?

Aye Aye, Matey!

Susan loves the little things in life. Like when her husband parks too close to the curb and she has to get out and play in the leaves.

U turns go right? This was a weird intersection.

This was a real inn sign we saw on our way up to Philly. No lie.

I don't think I want him elected as anything, quite frankly. It's disturbing that his campaign is so organized that there actually are bumper stickers!

One of our many nativity sets was finger puppets.

This said "Looking for Love?" and as I walked by some guy came and splashed the wall with water to wash it off. I guess he's the Grinch of Valentine's Day, even though it was December 2nd.

My FIL makes his inspector gadget broom/rake combination.

Also self-explanatory.

Ad Hoc road. Don't drive that way. It's a fallacy!

I should really fill my 10 gallon gas tank up before the light comes on.

Harold has angels? Or is it just the angels named Harold?

Not to be outdone by myself, in filling up the gas tank a few weeks later . . .

I think you're overreaching here, Burger King. What is this supposed to be, your equivalent of a wine list?

If you look closely, I got this email before it arrived.

Grades Are Submitted

2011-12-23T11:48:00.004-05:00

Ah, finals time. The time I both simultaneously feel like I've been far too merciful to many students, and yet have to play the role of cold, hard, calculating, and unfeeling justice to others.

Oh well. At least I'm not as jaded as these professors:

Or this classic.

7 Billion People Isn't Bad

2011-12-18T21:58:00.012-05:00

Well, the world hit it 7 billionth person about a month ago. Many are decrying the population explosion, saying that we will overtax the planet's finite resources if we keep this up. So we should stop having kids.

Except that idea is balderdash. A society without a 2.1 child per couple replenishment rate is one that, in the long run, will implode on itself. Besides, the problem isn't so much that we're having too many kids. It's that we're not dying like we used to! You know, earlier in life. Because now we have handwashing and modern medicine, among other things.

This video from NPR does a better job of explaining it than I can. Just watch it, it's extremely informative.

So, the reason there are 7 billion people on the planet isn't because we're breeding like rabbits. It's because we're not dropping like flies.

In short, having kids is not a bad thing. My brother Stephen is getting his PhD in demography at Penn, and he could explain all the math much better than I, but this blog post of his was an interesting point about people on welfare programs. Love that last line: " There's more discussion that follows, but the point is that unless Christian ends up consuming more than $245,000 worth of WIC milk and cheese, his existence contributes more to the public balance sheet than it takes away. Moochers." Ha. So by not having kids, you're being a moocher.

My old roommate, Adam, also weighed in on this a while back, showing that the arguments for having less children can even be racist and nationalist in nature. His final thoughts are great, too: "It is my belief that our ecological and socioeconomic problems are not causally linked to overpopulation, but to our own inhumanity."

Besides, when I think of my family reunions (on both sides of the family), which are awesome, I think of how sad the world would be if everybody only had one or two kids. Now, I'm not knocking those who do only have one or two kids for whatever reason. How many children a couple should have is a very personal circumstance-specific decision that should be made between the two of them and the Lord, in my opinion. I am knocking those who think that having fewer children is an automatic solution to our resource problems.

After all, the ultimate thumb in the eye of the Nazi's who tried to exterminate the Jews are people like Yitta Schwartz, who had over TWO THOUSAND descendants by the time she died. What a glorious thing, to have that many relatives!

Besides, if we only had one or two kids per family, such pictures as this awesomeness from Google Plus' hangouts would not be possible.

And such a world is darker and more sad, to me. So if the poor are always with us, as the Lord said, then we shouldn't stop having kids and hope the poor magically go away. That's burying our head in the sand. The problems that face our civilization are multivariable and complicated. But not having kids isn't the answer. In the long run, that's actually societal suicide.

Ah, Modesty.

2011-12-07T21:19:00.016-05:00

So, this was a random topic that showed up in my various newsfeeds (facebook, twitter, etc.).

First, there's this gem of a video on why Christian women shouldn't wear bikinis, though, to be fair, the guy doesn't actually say that. He just guilts them into it. This showed up from several sites that all basically ranted and railed against it for contributing to the culture that women are asking to be assaulted when they dress provocatively. Or perhaps that women are responsible for the thoughts in men's heads.

Second, apparently even the slim I-represent-like-only-1%-(if that)-of-women models aren't good enough anymore. Actual human women need not apply to model H&M bikinis and lingerie.

And third, some overzealous BYU-I testing center employee kicked a girl out for wearing skinny jeans. (There are several instances of Poe's Law in that article.) Luckily, BYU-I itself said the employee had gone too far.

Oh, modesty. What would undergrads at the various BYUs talk about without you?

Look people, let's get a few things straight:

1. You, and you alone, are responsible for what goes on in your head. No amount of skin is going to make you do anything. Travel too far down that road, and you might ban eyes. (But just the "tempting" ones.)

2. That being said, it is actually possible to convey different things with the clothing you wear. So keep that in mind when you dress. This goes for everybody. There's a lot of spectrum between "I just saw the bikini and went crazy" and "I am completely immune to what others are wearing and am 100% in control of every molecule in my body," and acknowledging that fact doesn't mean I think girls are asking to be assaulted.

On that note, I want this t-shirt:

[Edit: I didn't realize, in reading this over, that it looked like I wanted to assault women because of the way I juxtaposed the t-shirt with point 2. It's just a funny t-shirt. I don't want to assault women. But I suppose, to be fair, somedays I think it might be fun to be a super villain. Really, though, I just want to be know as the guy that wears funny t-shirts. That's what I'm trying to say with my clothing, that I'm kinda goofy. Sorry for the confusion, and thanks for pointing it out, Emily.]

3. Women are under an enormous amount of pressure to "look good," in our society. Given the way fashions actually work, if a woman is at all curvy, she's going to have "form-fitting" clothes. So instead of pointing out that the jeans hug their hips, let's just not be all pharisaical about this issue, because that's just not going to help at all. Especially if the testing center closes in 30 minutes. *sigh* Because you're just going to get made fun of.

This Trailer May Have Resurrected My Inner Child

2011-12-01T23:53:00.009-05:00

I think maybe George Lucas has failed. I thought my inner child was dead, thanks to his idiocy. And to be fair, he's trying to make sure my inner child is good and buried forever, with his release of Star Wars in 3D. (Let's hope that idea dies and nobody goes to see it. Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?) But last night . . . maybe, just maybe, my inner child was resurrected again. I’m not sure. It’s certainly still on life support, in any event.

So what happened last night?

I saw John friggin’ Carter of Mars. The way I’d always envisioned it!

Edgar Rice Burroughs is most famous for creating Tarzan. But his lesser known creation, John Carter of Mars, was the basis for . . . well, practically most adventure science fiction. Wikipedia calls the genre “planetary romance,” and that about fits. Certainly it’s a major part of the origins of “space opera.” So when you think of Avatar, Star Wars (before it sucked), Buck Rogers, Babylon 5, I could go on . . . they all contain nods to or outright stealing of elements that first appeared in the Burroughs Mars (Barsoom, to its native inhabitants) series. The series dealt with flying ships, space travel, war, honor, science run amok, genetic experiments, you name it!

The influence of the Barsoom series is quite vast, and is one of the original serial pulp fiction series. The first three books, A Princess of Mars, The Gods of Mars, and The Warlord of Mars are all in the public domain, so I reread them just a few short months ago.

So. Awesome.

I had so much fun reading them. They have everything you would expect from pulp fiction. Beautiful women. Dangerous creatures. Exotic locales. Sword fighting. Mayhem. Adventure. Took me back to when my mother introduced me to them when I was in the seventh grade. They were the absolute perfect books for a young teenage boy! (Or a thirty year old boy. Whatever.)

I mean, just look at some of the covers to these books from the different editions!

The Frank Frazetta cover to A Princess of Mars.

The Chessman of Mars . . . the original sci-fi gladitorial arena.

Another Frazetta cover, this one for The Swords of Mars.

Frankenstein's moster, Martian-style. Synthetic Men of Mars cover by Whelan.

More recently there have been a comic series adaptation of A Princess of Mars. You can see the influence of the previous cover artists here.

Turok Makto from James Cameron's Avatar, anybody? (Also, note the big green humanoid, vs. the big blue humanoids from Avatar.)

And this one's just sheer awesomeness. Ancient ruins. Flying ships. Monsters. Giant four-armed sword wielding humanoids. And all under the gaze of Mars' two moons. What's not to like!?!

You cannot tell me you don’t recognize some images that have been picked up again and again in science fiction book covers, movie posters, comic books, etc. All created in response to the Barsoom series.

So last night the new John Carter trailer premiered. Here it is:

I loved it. Absolutely loved it. The way it envisioned the things I had been imagining since I was in junior high, channeling the best pulp fiction artists and some (arguably) of their best pulp fiction art . . .

Of course, my experience with Mr. George Lucas the Devil has made me wary of this upcoming John Carter movie, even though it is written and directed by the guy who did Finding Nemo and WALL-E, both of which won academy awards because they were so good. In particular, I’m not sure about the casting of the Martian princess Dejah Thoris. Don’t get me wrong, Lynn Collins is a fine looking woman, but Dejah Thoris is the science fiction equivalent of Helen of Troy from The Iliad, the face that launched a thousand ships. Quite literally by the end of The Warlord of Mars, John Carter has embroiled the entire planet in a war just because he wants to get his wife back from kidnappers! Then again, I had the same reservations about Diane Kruger’s beauty in Troy, and that turned out okay. Maybe it’s unrealistic of me to think we could actually find a woman who was so pretty she starts wars. Still, Collins just doesn’t seem . . . right.

But in the trailer, when John Carter says “yes, ma’am,” oh, it sold me. That’s exactly what Carter would say. He’s a gentleman soldier. Civil War veteran. Yes, he fought on the side of the confederates, but I’m sure that was due to the philosophical disagreement about state’s rights and the federal government.

Okay, I’m going to stop my random ranting about this.

But I think my inner child took a breath last night.

It felt good.

Teaching at Gtown: Mormonism, A New World Religion

2011-11-28T19:35:00.003-05:00

I’ve always thought that the best job in the world would be to teach about Mormonism at a major university that wasn't BYU. The "not BYU part" actually allowed me to date several girls, none of whom were interested in dating a guy whose goal was solely to be a BYU religion professor. Since Georgetown has asked me to teach just such a class next semester, I guess that means my career is going to be all downhill from here! (I kid.)

So, in the vein of the last post, I thought I would also post my book list and general plan for the course itself. In general, there will be four units, each corresponding to a particular book that we will read.

But before we get into the units themselves, I will have my students read Mormonism: A Very Short Introduction, by Richard Bushman. Oxford puts out these “very short introductions” on a variety of topics, and I thought having my students read this one would be a good way to start and get a general overall feel for Mormon history and theology before we really start to dig in.

Joseph Smith
The first major unit will cover the life of the Prophet Joseph Smith. You really cannot do Mormonism without focusing on him a lot. In many ways, that would be like attempting a class on Islam without talking about the Prophet Muhammed. It’s just a bad idea. We will be reading selections from Rough Stone Rolling, Richard Bushman’s marvelous biography of the prophet. Bushman is able to thread the needle between faith and scholarship, coming to no hard conclusions about the faith-content of Joseph’s experiences (even though Bushman himself is a believer) but doing a fabulous job of presenting Joseph the historical figure.

Mormon Scripture
I will have my students read large portions of The Book of Mormon. Again, to compare this class to a hypothetical one on Islam, you would do yourself a great injustice to not read the Qur’an. In conjunction with reading the new scripture, we will also be reading Teryl Givens’ By The Hand of Mormon. Givens does an extremely thorough job of discussing how the Book of Mormon itself has been used ever since its publication in 1829. I had considered using Grant Hardy’s Understanding the Book of Mormon, but in the end decided to let the volume of scripture speak for itself, and have a meta-discussion about what the book means by using Given’s book. Givens also talks about the Book of Mormon as an example of and outlining what Givens terms “dialogic revelation,” namely the call-and-response of prophets and God. After reading that chapter, the students will read some of the D&C as well.

History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
The third unit will basically be history, starting with Joseph’s death and the succession crisis, which was resolved with the main body (but not all) of the church following Brigham Young and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles west to Utah, and ending with the tenure of current LDS Church president Thomas S. Monson. The book we will be reading is a bit of a gamble, because I have not read the entire thing. Why? Well, it will be released on January 24th, after the semester has started. My friend Matt Bowman, who just finished his PhD at Georgetown, incidentally, is one of the editors of Dialogue. His book The Mormon People: The Making of an American Faith, will serve as our guide. I read the then-current version of chapter 7 (on the correlation years of the church mid 20th-century), and decided that it would be worth a shot.

Mormon Theology
For the final unit on Mormon theology and doctrine we will finally read a book written by someone who is not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Douglas Davies is a professor at the University of Durham, and I found his book The Mormon Culture of Salvation to be very insightful while discussing Mormonism itself through the lens of anthropology and sociology. One of the things I admire about Davies book is that he really treats Mormon cosmology, ritual, and practice with the seriousness it deserves. Because, though Mormonism has obvious ties doctrinally to traditional Christianity, there are still some things that are very different about us. When Rodney Stark called us the next world religion, I’m not sure he’s wrong (though obviously we think of it as a restoration). The view of Mormon theology, extending as it does far into the past and looking towards the future, is a little more than just a few bells and whistles added to Christian conceptions of the afterlife. It’s a mythology that, I think, can go toe to toe with the great religions and mythologies of the world. Davies does a good job of treating it as such.

Conclusions
It’s not every day that a new religion gets started, and I’m not just talking about denominations (most protestants are virtually indistinguishable from each other) or movements (Pentecostalism clearly doesn’t represent a new religion, just a new kind of “style” of Christianity, for lack of a better word, that cuts across denominational lines). The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints represents an interesting phenomenon, in that here we have a new, bona fide religious movement. New prophets. New scripture. New ritual. New cosmology. Everything.

Its growth rate is prodigious, and is projected to be a new world religion sometime this century, assuming Rodney Stark’s projections about our growth rate turn out to be true (and we seem to be more or less on the money for his projections from the 1986 article, not the 1997 follow-up). I’ll also discuss the Perpetual Education Fund as a portent of things to come in Mormonism as we rapidly shift away from an American church to an international one.

Furthermore, the origins of this new religion are not shrouded in the mists of time, making it hard to distinguish between fact and myth. We have still have actual documents actually written by Joseph Smith. The church is putting out a comprehensive series of volumes with everything extant that he wrote. You cannot find that for Muhammed, Jesus, Siddharta, or any of the other major religious figures from world history. So, if nothing else, we get to see the rise of a religion from the beginning. I hope that this class serves that kind of meta-objective (study a new religion rising from the beginning) as well as being a thorough introduction to Mormonism.

I’m very excited to teach this class. It will be good times.

Teaching at Gtown: The Problem of God

2011-11-17T17:22:00.000-05:00

I’ve had several people ask for the book lists of the classes I’m teaching at Georgetown. So I figured, why not just put it all up on the blog?

This semester I’m teaching a class that is required of all Georgetown undergrads. It’s called “The Problem of God,” and when I first heard about it I was immediately intrigued. What a provocative name for a class, and I also was pretty quickly able to grasp what it was and why they had it as a requirement. I found my religion classes at BYU to be enlightening for the most part, but I would say the ones that helped me the most to get my mind blown were my Philosophy of Religion class taught by David Paulsen and my World Religions class taught by Roger Keller. When Professor Keller said “Every Mormon should be forced to take philosophy of religion, because we don’t even know the questions to which we have the answers,” I knew immediately what he was talking about precisely because I had taken the Philosophy of Religion class.

So I knew why Georgetown as a Catholic university, would require such a course. Quite frankly, a college education without knowing some of the basics of world religions or religion in general would be lacking. Yet how to teach such a course? There are no easy answers, certainly not ones that can be discovered and thought through in a mere semester. Hence, “The Problem of God.”

Religious Experience
In my class we begin by reading William James’ The Varieties of Religious Experience. The transcript of his 1901 Gifford Lectures, in the Varieties James explores the very many different facets of religious experiences. He wants to get at the root of religion, which he defines as “the feelings, acts, and experiences of individual men in their solitude, so far as they apprehend themselves to stand in relation to whatever they may consider the divine.” He’s not interested in religion as a group activity, or a system, or a set of laws, or rituals, or anything else. He does his best (and does a dang good job) to collect myriad experiences to try to get to the very heart of religion—the actual experience with the divine.

After having discussed so many different experiences from many different backgrounds he then tries to make some sense of it all. What are we to conclude from the fact that Hindu’s, Mormons, Christians, Buddhists, Jews, Muslims, and indeed people of all religions (or none!) have these experiences?

He concludes two things that I think are important. First, that we cannot be theologically specific from these experiences. Any attempt to draw hard and fast conclusions creates what he terms “over-beliefs,” beliefs not warranted by the data. His personal over-belief is that all these experiences together prove that there is a divine realm.

Second, that having the disparate religions that we do is an unequivocal good thing. “No two of us have identical difficulties, nor should we be expected to work out identical solutions. Each, from his peculiar angle of observation, takes in a certain sphere of fact and trouble, which each must deal with in a unique manner. One of us must soften himself, another must harden himself; one must yield to a point, another must stand firm . . . If an Emerson were forced to be a Wesley, or a Moody forced to be a Whitman, the totally human consciousness of the divine would suffer.”

Comparative Religions
In the next unit in the class we read chapters from Stephen Prothero’s God is Not One as well as An Anthology of World Scriptures edited by Robert E. Van Voorst. This unit is basically an abbreviated version of what you would find in any World Religions course. We only spend about two days on each of the major world religions, Islam, Christianity, Confucianism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, and Daoism.

All Religions Are the Same
John Hick’s An Interpretation of Religion is the most philosophically rigorous argument that all religions are actually the same. In this he applies the phenomenal/noumenal distinction first discussed by Kant. Basically, we do not have access to things in themselves (the noumena). Whatever we experience of others, the things we touch, see, smell, etc. are all filtered through our experience. And that filter imbues things with more individual meaning and patterns and things than we normally think.

In short, when/if we do have a religious experience, we experience it through the lens of the tradition we were raised in. That’s why Hindu’s have experiences with becoming one with Brahman, or seeing an avatar of Vishnu, Christians may see an angel, or the Virgin Mary, etc. The Real (Hick’s term for the divine, God, etc.) presents itself to us, and we put our own meanings on it. So the differences between religions are really more cultural constructs than actual differences. Hence, all religions are actually the same.

All Religions Are Not the Same
Returning to Prothero, for this unit of the course we actually go back and read his introduction and conclusion, wherein he argues that Hick and others like him are doing a great injustice to the world’s religions in saying that they are all the same. Prothero thinks that those who make the argument ignore large chunks of the data that disagree with them, water the world religions down to something that doesn’t actually resemble what they are, and in short makes a mockery of the wonderful variety of religions and religious systems that mankind currently takes part in. We also read the chapter on the New Atheism, which is becoming more and more popular with such bestselling works as Richard Dawkin’s The God Delusion, and others. New Atheists are definitely a rising force to be reckoned with, and a treatment of religion in the world today would be ill advised to ignore them. So we don’t.

Conclusions
At this point we’ve covered individual experiences, talked about the major systems of religion, argued that they are the same, and that they are not the same. In the end, I tell my students, there are no easy answers to the questions that religion poses to us and our lives, if there are any answers at all.

I will conclude with this quote, which has been misattributed to Marcus Aurelius, yet reflects the closest thing to a real answer I think we can get at in this life unequivocally:

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.

1's!

2011-11-16T22:34:00.006-05:00

Here's my screenshot taken on the 11th day of the 11th month in the 11th year at 11 minutes and 11 seconds past 11 p.m. (Lucky for me the our occurs twice, or I would have missed it!)

The next cool similar moment will come in 2020, or maybe 2022, when there will be several times that all of the numbers will be either 2's or 0's. Sadly, I don't think I'll make it to the year 2222, when there will be moments when all of the numbers on the clocks will be 2's. Ah well.

Another Reason I Hate Sports

2011-11-10T11:34:00.005-05:00

Apparently being the winningest coach in college football history covers a multitude of sins. One of those sins it covers is failure to report child molestation and rape. In fact, it's so important to let the winningest coach in college football history finish honorably that students at his college will riot in support of him.

Penn State students, grow up.

Hats off to the board of trustees for firing him. They did the right thing in saying that people who cover up such horrific actions have no place at their institution (or, anywhere, really). He won't get to play his final game at home. An ignominious end to an otherwise illustrious career as the most winningest coach in college football history.

Good.

It's what he deserves for not acting to prevent child sexual abuse and rape. That's serious stuff.

Football is not.

Edit 11/13/11: This is also an awesome article on the subject.

Our Poor Kids

2011-11-07T19:03:00.012-05:00

"Our poor kids" is something that Susan and I frequently say. We're just so . . . weird!

But now I can actually quantify it in a way that you will all understand. But first, some background on this quantification.

Netflix has been maligned a lot of late what with their fairly disastrous flip-flopping on their new business model. But for now we're sticking with it. It's a great service, and for the measly price they have us pay per month, I'm not sure I'll ever be getting TV ever again.

Netflix's recommendations for us are hilarious, a combination of cheesy musicals, science fiction, horror, and documentaries. I also like that it recommends things for you if it can't find an exact match when you search for something. For example, we were thinking if our kids could someday watch Sesame Street and other related shows if we had Netflix, but not TV itself. I was typing different kid's educational shows in, and tried to see if Lamb Chop's Play-Along was available.

No, Netflix. I did NOT mean The Silence of the Lambs!

So over this past weekend I noticed something interesting in our "Recently Watched" category. Notice how odd we are?

And upon seeing all of Susan's cheesy musicals right next to Season 1 of AMC's The Walking Dead, about life after the zombie apocalypse, this immediately sprang to mind:

Maybe instead of (or in addition to?) reserving the name "Marcus," I should reserve the name "Dexter."

Our poor kids.

Remember, Remember, the 5th of November

2011-11-05T11:29:00.014-04:00

Americans aren't happy with the way the country is headed.

I wish Obama wouldn't phrase his economic proposals as "wealth redistribution," because that's a term that just makes people rankle. In our heart of hearts, we don't want to punish people for being successful. However, when Elizabeth Warren says this:
I can get behind that. We helped you be successful. Congratulations! Now, don't be a jerk, and pay some of that back in since you can afford it, and most of the rest of us cannot, even though we do, according to some reports, actually pay more in taxes than the rich. It's why Warren Buffet said that he wants to pay more taxes, something supported actually by a large number of his fellow super-rich people.

And now we have Occupy Wall Street, a large group of people who just kind of seem to be saying "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!" (Yes, that's the video.)

Some have complained that the Occupy Wall Street group doesn't have any specific plans. That's okay. It's not like the Tea Party was perfectly in unison with each other. But in general, I agree with Paul Krugman that OWS is mad with the right people, and that specific policy things shouldn't be up to those in the protests, it's up to the people in the government itself to take that ground up energy and turn it into something. (This is the one link you should click on in this entry if you click on any of them.)

In the end, though, if there's something wrong with our country, it's up to us to fix it. Besides, it's November 5th, and you can't let that day pass without watching this clip from V for Vendetta:
P.S. Hugo Weaving can out-act you while wearing a mask. That is all.

Washington D.C. Mormon Stories Conference

2011-10-31T00:13:00.019-04:00

I like to listen to podcasts while I run. Sadly, I don’t run as much as I should. I’ve also taken to listening to them while I do the dishes (Susan cooks, I do the dishes). One day several years ago I decided to toss in “Mormon” to the iTunes search engine and see what popped up. Mormon Stories was one of the big hits, and I saw there was an interview with Richard Bushman, a man I greatly admire for both his scholarship and his faith.

I kept listening to the podcast over the past few years and have really enjoyed the ones I’ve listened to. Of particular note were the ones with Grant and Heather Hardy (Grant wrote “Understanding the Book of Mormon,” which, in my opinion, is one of the best analyses of the Book of Mormon ever), and with Lisa Butterworth, the founder of Feminist Mormon Housewives. But there are interviews with scholars, therapists, leaders, ex-Mormons, apologists, etc. etc. etc. John Dehlin, the man behind the podcast, is certainly a person who focuses much on Mormons of all stripes, and I appreciate that. It’s nice to hear different stories and opinions. Filter bubbles are bad, as I’ve blogged about before.

John’s original project is to create a space where Mormons of all stripes can come together to talk about things, whatever they want to. The genesis of his idea he sums up in this youtube video, much of which I agree with, some of which I do not. I’m linking it here, but be warned, it’s like an hour long. Might be worth the look though. I found it worthwhile.

Of late the project has actually turned into local communities. Through facebook John and Anne Peffer, another person who helps with the logistics and things of the podcast, have organized regional Mormon Stories groups. Their called “support communities,” which gave me pause. What is this? AA? Also of late the podcast begins with a suggestion to “friend” John on facebook, so you can find other common friends who are “Mormons like you.” That was perhaps my second clue that the purpose of the podcast was changing. However, I joined the local group of Mormon Stories listeners here in DC and generally found them to be a great group of people that I disagree with on various religious issues. As if that’s a problem for me. (Mormon studying theology at Catholic U here, hello!)

When the chance came to organize a local conference for others who listen to the conference, I felt inclined to help out, so became part of the organizing committee. Fun group of people. Very dedicated, and as scarily organized as any group in the church I’ve seen before. (The term "scarily organized" comes from one of Susan's coworkers, who used it to describe Mormons in general.) Here's the committee, along with Greg Prince (the host), John, and Anne.

So, over the weekend of October 14-16, we held our conference. It was a wonderful time. I always love listening to Greg, one of our high councilmen. He wrote David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism and gives, quite frankly, the most consistently awesome, spiritual, and mind-blowing high council talks I’ve ever encountered. His talk about the history of Mormon thought was very insightful.

We had three TED-style talks, one from John Dehlin, one from Steve Kovalenko, who has found peace by leaving the church, and one from a friend of mine, Chelsea Shields Strayer, who has found peace by staying in the church. Chelsea’s participation was originally my idea and I’m glad she came. It was fitting at least for me personally because Chelsea and I were in the same ward growing up together and even took the bioethics class at BYU where we were in the same study group. That bioethics class was one of the foundational classes in my personal relationship with the institutional church, because it was really the first time where I saw, in writing, up on the overhead projector, how the church’s policies on some things (like birth control) have evolved over time without direct revelation on them (like polygamy or the priesthood ban). So seeing her again was a delight for me personally, but not just because she’s just so friggin’ intelligent you can’t help but have your mind blown just by talking with her.

These conferences always seem to include what have been come to be known as a “testimony” meeting. That’s not quite the best term for it, but “open mike time” doesn’t capture it exactly either. But it’s just a time for the people who came to our conference to stand and tell their own stories. I myself stood up and talked for a bit. If you go listen to the podcast recording of that session, I start at about 20 minutes in and talk for 3 or 4 minutes. (The conference is linked later in this blog entry.) Sorry about the scratchy voice; I was sick. Really, these sessions are the culmination of John’s vision about creating spaces for Mormons of all stripes to come together. We even had people from the Netherlands and Brazil who came to DC for our conference!

But for me, the best part of the conference was talking to one of the other participants. This man, John (not Dehlin) was one of the people who got married, even though both he and his wife knew he was gay, and lived with that for many years before the dissonance became too much. He then left/was kicked out of the church, and now lives here in the DC area. He called himself an atheist, gay, excommunicated Mormon. Yet he told me a story of how he was once sitting at temple square after all of these things had happened (he said “if you’re going to be an apostate, you probably shouldn’t hang out on temple square,” ha) and how a kind old gentleman had walked up and asked to sit next to him. John said that was okay, and the two of them struck up a conversation. At some point this old man said to John something to the effect of “the angels of heaven rejoice over your faith and testimony.” Now, it’s just bizzare that anybody would say that to an excommunicated, gay, atheist former Mormon. But John shared this story with a quiver in his lip when he spoke of it as a blessing from this old man who he had never before met, and who he has never seen since. Later, in sharing this experience with his Mom, she said that it must have been one of the three Nephites. And again, as he spoke of this, he did so with great emotion and with a tear in his eye. He knew that he was being completely contradictory when he said that he was an atheist, gay, excommunicated Mormon, but one who believed in the three Nephites, because he believed that he had met one of them.

The apostle Paul speaks of charity, the love of God, and that it “seeketh not her own.” In many ways, the people who gravitate towards Mormon Stories conferences are not “my own.” In general I find their approach to Mormonism an inadequate explanation for Joseph Smith and the church he founded and the scriptures he produced (warts and all, which I am aware of). I’m also deeply concerned about their appropriation of the term “Mormon,” which I don't think should be used culturally or genetically. It’s not a gene, and it’s not a local charity organization. It’s a religion. I’ve talked about this before, in response to an earlier draft of the shared values statement.

So why did I go? Why did I hang out with a bunch of (largely) disaffected Mormons with whom I disagree with a lot for an entire weekend?

I think my experience was best summed up in my encounter with John the gay atheist excommunicated Mormon who believes he met one of the three Nephites. Even though his personal beliefs seem to completely logically contradict each other (can you be atheist and believe in the three Nephites?), yet in the moment he told me his story, we shared something. And I feel I was the better for him having taken the time to share part of his life that meant a lot to me. I hope he’s the better for having talked with me, but I’m pretty sure I came out on top of that exchange. And in that moment I think we both had charity for one another.

I think I’ll keep hanging out with all these people. Because they’re awesome. And I want to be awesome too.

You can listen to the conference at the following links:

Greg Prince’s keynote talk, with a Q&A session at the end.

The 3 TED-style talks.

The “testimony” meeting. (I’m at about 20 minutes in, talking about “what I’m doing here.” This blog entry is a much longer, more detailed version of my comments there.)

Bonus: Picture of me and John Dehlin on a bench talking about cool stuff.

John’s a great guy, and I appreciate what he’s trying to do. Hopefully my being part of the organizing committee was a bit of my trying to leave the ninety-nine sheep and find the one (not that anybody is my project), and to support what John is doing. John’s trying to find a place for everybody to feel comfortable. I can get behind that. So I did.

And I’m the better for it.

R.I.P. Steve Jobs

2011-10-05T21:32:00.005-04:00

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do."

Steve Jobs, 1955-2011.
Messiah of the Cult of Apple, the One True Technological Faith.

Rest in peace, and thanks for all the wonderful wonderful toys.

Edit 10/11/11, for hilarious pictures commemorating Jobs' passing.

Book Review: The Filter Bubble by Eli Pariser

2011-09-29T16:21:00.018-04:00

So, in the category of "disturbing trends you should be aware of," and no I'm not going to talk again about how President Obama has been a disaster for civil rights (but he has been), I recently was introduced to the idea of selection bias. Basically, if all you read or watch are things that confirm the beliefs you already have, then you are never presented with a different viewpoint and therefore assume you're right. If you only read Roman Catholic theology, you're not introduced to the wealth of different viewpoints from the rest of the Christian world. If you only watch Fox News, you think that Obama is (literally) the anti-Christ. Or at least the worst thing to happen to the country since the Great Depression. Maybe the Civil War. I'm not sure. It's why if all you listen to is Mormon Stories podcasts you get the idea that everybody is completely disaffected with the LDS church and nobody actually believes the doctrine.

But what's disturbing is that the internet is creating selection bias for us all. Eli Pariser points this out in his book The Filter Bubble: What The Internet Is Hiding From You. We read it for book club a month ago and it was a chilling read. Basically, google, facebook, and other companies keep track of what you do online. They can use the data of what you do to target you with ads you're more likely to click on. This is why, for example, once I got engaged all of the facebook ads were about flowers, rings, and tuxedos. It's why when I got married suddenly divorce lawyers ads started to show up on facebook. (I rarely click on ads, or even turn them off or make them go away, but in this case I did. Reason: Offensive.)

Even if you're not logged into your gmail account google knows things about you. And it will try to give you a top selection of hits it thinks that you will click on. Because you've clicked on similar things before.

In other words, the internet is creating selection bias for us. And this is dangerous. Very very dangerous.

The book is a damning expose of how the internet is secretly undermining all the things it seemed it would do in its early stages. It was supposed to give us more options and more information quickly. Spread viewpoints faster. Connect the world in new and amazing ways. Instead it is slowly moving towards putting us all in our own little filtered bubble of things we already agree with. When we are never aware of the different options or are never exposed to viewpoints different then our own, then that is a bad situation. Democracy, in particular, requires a well-informed set of voters to really work. And the internet is not helping as much as it should, and may even be hindering the ability of people to be well-informed.

Here's Pariser's TED talk on the subject:

Very interesting stuff there. Creepy, even.

What can you do about it? He has a few things you can do at his website. "10 things you can do." I would also recommend simply reading newspapers. Even the online versions have headlines and "top stories" that are selected by the editors, formerly the gatekeepers of what information was "important."

I would highly recommend this book to anybody. It's a disturbing read, yet contains information that everybody should be aware of in the internet age.

Besides, if we don't let the internet be free, how will Peter be able to unify us all after his brother Ender wipes out the buggers?
How will google employees be able to play pranks on their siblings?
These are important questions!

Okay, maybe they're not, but the book raises some important ones. You should read it. Or at least watch the TED talk above.

10 Years Later

2011-09-11T17:28:00.006-04:00

I was serving my LDS mission in Manhattan on 9/11/01. This morning I woke up and watched news clips of the attacks as they would have happened exactly 10 years ago (i.e., at 8:46 am I watched video of the first flight impacting the trade center towers), as well as rewatching United 93, a movie I highly recommend. It was my way of ritually remembering the horrible events of that day.

Here are my pictures, posting them on FB as a way of achieving catharsis and trying to regrasp what I felt watching the attacks unfold with my own eyes.

I hope we have learned the lessons of that day well. Some days I don't think we have. Or maybe we learned the wrong lessons. Perhaps we have not handled ourselves as well as we could have, and not done what we should. Maybe I'm not even sure what the lessons of that day are supposed to be. But we owe it to all who lost their lives to still wrestle with those events.

May God continue to bless America. And may we always strive to be worthy of those blessings.

Summer Family Reunions

2011-09-06T11:32:00.009-04:00

Well, it's been a busy summer with different reunions and all. I've been studying French and it only took CUA 3 months to let me know that I had passed my Latin exam, so that part was not so fun. Now school has started and it's back to the grind, really, in many ways. I'm teaching an introductory theology class at Georgetown this semester, as well as two writing classes at the community college I've been teaching at for several years.

Here are some photo albums of the fun times this summer:

Cranney family reunion in Eden, UT, and the Mikkelsen Family reunion at Jamestown and Williamsburg, VA.

Opa at Nathan's house.

Also, I regret not getting a picture with me and Gabriel (who is clearly ginormous for a 4 month old) napping. I've been collecting those pictures for a while now, and it's a tradition I would like to continue.

It's better than the tradition I'm apparently starting with the niece and nephews on the Mikkelsen side of the family. I haven't even been their uncle for a year and I have pictures of three of the six of the trying to shoot me!

Welcome to the East Coast! Did you fly over the Garden of Eden on your way here? Maybe not.

2011-08-23T08:12:00.013-04:00

My brother, Stephen, and his wife Rachel, along with their adorable child Christian, have moved to Philly to eat Philly Cheesesteak Sandwiches, have adventures, and for Stephen to start his PhD at Penn. In true east coast manner, the city of Philly decided to host a riot in their honor.

Also, Stephen and Rachel didn't realize that IT RAINS OUT HERE. A LOT! Oh well. Now they know.

Susan and I will go up to visit sometime. We're working on the details. But now that we have Nathan and his family and Stephen and his out here, that gives us 3/7 Cranney children on the east coast within 300 miles of each other. Excellent! We almost have a quorum!

And now, on to the really important part of the blog post. I know Mormons have some "weird" beliefs. I was talking to a fellow student at CUA about the basics of Mormonism and when he asked me where the gold plates were and I told him the angel Moroni had taken them back to heaven (seriously, take this sentence out of context-doesn't it just sound bizzare?!) he kind of smirked. I could tell that he was genuinely trying not to be rude, and I appreciated that, but I told him that at some level we both believe that 2000 years ago some guy walked on water, died, and rose from the dead, so . . . yeah. We're all a little weird. And that's okay.

But in talking last night with Stephen and Rachel, Stephen provided me with yet another mind-blowing experience. He's actually quite sharp. So, it's been years since I've read the Doctrine and Covenants straight through. I've just been busy enough that I have just been reading the Book of Mormon and the Bible, but usually doubling it as language study. I guess I could have used the Doctrine and Covenants for German and French, but I do very much appreciate the Book of Mormon as the LDS' primary scripture for reading, so I've been focusing on it, and of course you can read the Bible in ancient Greek and Latin. Anyway, during the course of our conversation, Stephen mentioned that the D&C doesn't actually say that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri.

I did a double take.

After all, as the Bible dictionary says "Latter-day revelation confirms the biblical account of the Garden of Eden, and adds the important information that it was located on what is now the North American continent." Now, I must be honest, as one who thinks the evidence for human evolution is pretty overwhelming, the Garden of Eden mythos is one I've been trying to wrap my head around for years, as evidenced by this blog post. I would be much more sympathetic to a Garden of Eden set in Africa, for instance, where the evidence indicates human race originated and began to spread across the planet. I'm not the only Mormon with ideas in this vein, including current LDS Republican Presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman. Hugh Nibley said "Do not begrudge existence to creatures that looked like men long, long ago, nor deny them a place in God's affection or even a right to exaltation—for our scriptures allow them such. Nor am I overly concerned as to just when they might have lived, for their world is not our world" (Before Adam, which is a great talk covering many of these issues). So I was just going to place the Garden of Eden being in Missouri to the shelf, one of those things we see through a glass darkly and that would be made clear in the hereafter. That, after all, is my official answer on issues of evolution anyway, from D&C 101:32-34.

So there I am, furiously looking through the D&C, trying to find the reference. It's in there. I've believed this for years. Where is it?

It's not there.

It's not there at all.

The Guide to the Scriptures says the exact same thing as the Bible Dictionary, that modern day revelation teaches the Garden of Eden was on the North American continent, and gives as references D&C 116 and 117:8.

D&C 116 is only one verse long. "Spring Hill is named by the Lord Adam-ondi-Ahman, because, said he, it is the place where Adam shall come to visit his people, or the Ancient of Days shall sit, as spoken of by Daniel the prophet." That's ALL future tense. There is no talk of its relation to the Adam-ondi-Ahman spoken of from section 107, which was given three years earlier. This wouldn't be the first time that confusion has reigned about the location of an ancient site is in relation to a modernly-named counterpart (see: Hill Cumorah).

Section 117:8 is making a rhetorical point, and verse 11 is also similarly irrelevant to the issue, because whether it is the same spot Adam called his posterity together, the Lord has named Spring Hill Adam-Ondi-Ahman, so it works to call Newel Whitney there to be a bishop. The Guide to the Scriptures should have used verse 11, because it would actually help make the point that Adam-ondi-Ahman is Spring Hill.

In short, I know we Mormons have some "weird" beliefs. Sometimes we even deserve to get made fun of, a little, like this song from the Book of Mormon musical.

But I'm suddenly very comfortable saying that the Garden of Eden's precise location is not necessarily Jackson County, MO. It might be. But the textual evidence from the actual scriptures does not necessitate it.

But I still hope this part of Mormon "doctrine" is true.

Because someday I would love to live here:

Farewell Skype

2011-08-18T14:26:00.003-04:00

So, Google Plus has a neat little thing where you can video chat with multiple people. Like, up to six at a time.

Skype, it's been nice to know you. Google Plus' hangout, welcome to my life!

My New Reading List

2011-08-15T18:57:00.004-04:00

NPR's Your Picks: The Top 100 Science-Fiction, Fantasy books.

And a little bit of discussion about what the results were and how they were tabulated.

Now, some questions on how to complete the challenge.

1. Should I read from the end to the beginning, saving the "best" for last?
2. If a book is part of a series, but is not listed as such (i.e. Ender's Game is listed alone, but The Wheel of Time is listed as a series) do I have to read all of them?

Farewell to the Space Shuttle

2011-08-05T00:52:00.015-04:00

Well, the space shuttle has returned to the earth for the last time. The first launch was on April 15, 1981, about 1 month after I was born. I never did get to go see one launch, but there will be other opportunities to see humans lift off and leave our little planet.

From Rex Walheim, who flew on the last shuttle mission:

One more satellite takes its place in the sky,
the last of many that the shuttle let fly.
Magellan, Galileo, Hubble and more
have sailed beyond her payload bay doors.
They've filled science books and still more to come.
The shuttle's legacy will live on when her flying is done

It helped us do amazing things. It was a great idea that served us well, and a marvelous piece of machinery and human ingenuity.

It's a bit unclear what the future of the U.S. Space Program will be, but I hope that we continue to press onward into space. American seem to have lost their drive, which is sad to me. I do hope and think that we could get that drive back. My science drive was rekindled by watching Carl Sagan's Cosmos a few months ago. Maybe the upcoming Cosmos II will help us rekindle our space ambitions and dreams.

Specifically, I hope the James Webb telescope isn't canned, because we need more of this:

And this:

So we can eventually get to this (humans on Mars, which I hope to see in my lifetime):

And then eventually to this:

Why? In an era of such serious earthly problems, why should we be doing all this space exploration?

My rejoinder is simply this: do we need a reason? It's just what we do.

Pilgrimage to Palmyra, NY

2011-07-31T02:07:00.032-04:00

"My father, Joseph Smith, Sen., left the State of Vermont, and moved to Palmyra, Ontario (now Wayne) county, in the State of New York."[The Smith Family Log Cabin.]

"Some time in the second year after our removal to Manchester, there was in the place where we lived an unusual excitement on the subject of religion. It commenced with the Methodists, but soon became general among all the sects in that region of country. Indeed, the whole district of country seemed affected by it, and great multitudes united themselves to the different religious parties, which created no small stir and division amongst the people, some crying, 'Lo, here!' and others, 'Lo, there!”' Some were contending for the Methodist faith, some for the Presbyterian, and some for the Baptist."[The four churches, Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, and Episcopalian, that sit at the main intersection of Palmyra itself.]

"After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God . . . I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, estanding above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!"[The Sacred Grove.]

"I soon found, however, that my telling the story had excited a great deal of prejudice against me among professors of religion, and was the cause of great persecution, which continued to increase."[Persecution continues, although I'm sure the early saints would laugh at the bullhorn wielding preachers and say I didn't know what persecution is. They're probably right. But here we are, nonetheless.]

"He called me by name, and said unto me that he was a messenger sent from the presence of God to me, and that his name was Moroni; that God had a work for me to do; and that my name should be had for good and evil among all nations, kindreds, and tongues, or that it should be both good and evil spoken of among all people."[The monument to Moroni atop the Hill Cumorah.]

"Convenient to the village of Manchester, Ontario county, New York, stands a hill of considerable size, and the most elevated of any in the neighborhood. On the west side of this hill, not far from the top, under a stone of considerable size, lay the plates, deposited in a stone box."[The Hill Cumorah, just before pageant's closing night.]

"In the year 1823 my father’s family met with a great affliction by the death of my eldest brother, Alvin."[The frame house that Alvin was not able to finish before his untimely death.]

"At length the time arrived for obtaining the plates . . . no sooner was it known that I had them, than the most strenuous exertions were used to get them from me. Every stratagem that could be invented was resorted to for that purpose. The persecution became more bitter and severe than before, and multitudes were on the alert continually to get them from me if possible."[The spot in the frame house where Joseph hid the plates.][The cooper shed, where Joseph hid the plates in the loft just before a mob ransacked the place looking for them.]

"These were days never to be forgotten—to sit under the sound of a voice dictated by the inspiration of heaven."[Top floor of the Whitmer house, where part of the the Book of Mormon translation took place.]

"Pay the debt thou hast contracted with the printer. Release thyself from bondage."[E.B. Grandin's printer.][The E.B. Grandin store.]

"We obtained of Him [Jesus Christ] the following, by the spirit of prophecy and revelation; which not only gave us much information, but also pointed out to us the precise day upon which, according to His will and commandment, we should proceed to organize His Church once more here upon the earth."[The Peter Whitmer Farm, where the church was organized on April 6, 1830.]

"And also to the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations."
[A first edition copy of the Book of Mormon.]

I have spent many hours pouring over books, studying, praying, pondering, and other such activities. I love me a good scholarly book on Mormonism, whether Richard Bushman's eye-opening Rough Stone Rolling or Grant Hardy's masterful analysis of the Book of Mormon in Understanding the Book of Mormon. My testimony is fairly intellectual, which I think is a function of my personality, and how the Spirit has worked with me and my idiosyncracies. But it was wonderful to make a trip to Palmyra, where all of these events happened, even if the buildings and other things have been restored and are not the originals, and to feel the Spirit reaffirm to me that these events did happen. They are true, and we are the true Church. I think I better understand the concept of a pilgrimage now, because that was indeed what it was.

And I got to go with my wife, who I am sealed to because of the work Joseph Smith did in restoring all of the keys of the priesthood to the earth. Here we are, in front of the Palmyra temple, a magnificent building that represents a full circle of the gospel and the church, from First Vision, to crowning ordinances of the gospel.

Praise be to God.

Evil Uncle Carl is Comin' to Town!

2011-07-20T14:29:00.009-04:00

I like to call myself "Evil Uncle Carl," mostly because I try to slip my nephews and niece things they aren't supposed to eat. Their parents all seem to universally object, so I might have to curtail those activities. Besides, I have other actions I can take.

Like teaching Alex to dip his fries.

Something he's taken to with much abandon, apparently, including double dipping.

Or telling Christian and Bronson to touch their noses for me.

Well, I'm flying out to Utah tomorrow for a family reunion. Let's see what other devious plans I can enact while there!

Mwuhahahahahahahahahaha!

What Does It Mean to Be a "Mormon?"

2011-07-12T16:32:00.017-04:00

Warning: Incoming Wall of Text.

I’ve started this blog post many times over during the past few years, but decided that it was finally time to write it up and post it. The question, quite simply (right, like this is going to be simple), is “What is a Mormon?” or alternately “Who is a Mormon?”

The original genesis of this post came from my time at Yale, mostly from two different encounters. The first was the encounter with liberal Protestants. To be clear, “liberal Protestant” is a vague term, but in my experience it included people who claimed to be Christian, but didn’t believe in the divinity of Christ. Sure, he was a nice guy, we think, and said some good stuff, we think, and we can do good things in his name, but as far as that entire “Son of God” thing, well, that’s not something we can know, so we shouldn’t bother. The epitome of this was a student named Jay, who said that scripture, reason, and tradition were the “unholy trinity” of Christianity, and we ought to abandon them. I’m not sure if his position was all that well thought out, but the arrogance that idea displayed astounded me. You just want to ignore the founding documents of your religion and the last 2k years of trying to understand them? My response was, “Well, if we’re making our religion up, I’m going backpacking. I dunno why you want to sit in pews and sing hymns. That’s BORING!” Part of me feels that C.S. Lewis was at least partially right-that Jesus has presented us with a binary choice. “Either this was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse . . . But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us.” But then we get into issues of who actually wrote Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and I think Lewis has also oversimplified the situation. I am sympathetic completely with Richard Neibuhr’s statement: liberal protestants of the 1930s say that “a God without wrath brought men without sin into a Kingdom without judgment through the ministrations of a Christ without a Cross.” Seems that they’ve missed a large part of the boat. Doctrine may not be the most important aspect of being a Christian, but it’s not unimportant either.

The second encounter at Yale was with one of my LDS friends. This friend still attends church in New York City, and even teaches the High Priest’s quorum, but he does not believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet (but he was “inspired”), that the Book of Mormon is historical in any sense (but it’s certainly got some good teachings and has some religious value), that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet (again, “inspired”), that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the “only true and living church” (though it is where God wants him to be), or any of the other relatively fundamental doctrines of the LDS church. I’ve wanted to write this post for a while, and title it “[Name], Buddy, You’re Not a Mormon!” But I was never quite comfortable saying that, so it languished in the back of my mind and I never got around to writing this post.

However, recently I’ve come across a different impetus. I’ve been listening to podcasts during my runs. One of my favorites is Mormon Stories, usually hosted by John Dehlin. John interviews a variety of Mormons from Greg Prince, who is on my stake high council and wrote “David O. McKay and the Beginnings of Modern Mormonism” to Lisa Butterworth, the founder of the Feminist Mormon Housewives blog. The topics range all over the place, and for anybody who hasn’t listened to them, I highly recommend them. A community has grown up around the podcast and they’ve recently started having Mormon Stories conferences. At their most recent conference in Salt Lake City, they came up with a set of value statements that I think are most enlightening to their aims. I reproduce them here with their caveat that this represents “a draft that is open for discussion.”

1. We choose to self-identify as Mormons. We claim this identity based on our genealogies, upbringings, beliefs, relationships, and other life experiences.

2. We believe that one can be Mormon or claim a Mormon identity without necessarily adhering to the teachings or doctrines of any religious organization.

3. We celebrate the richness of Mormon heritage, teachings, and community in all of its diversity.

4. We seek spaces where we as Mormons can live lives of intellectual and spiritual integrity, individual conscience, and personal dignity.

5. We acknowledge and honor different spiritual paths and modes of religious or non-religious truth-seeking. We respect the convictions of those who subscribe to ideas and beliefs that differ from our own.

6. We recognize the confusion, distress, emotional trauma, and social ostracism that often accompany personal faith crises. We seek constructive ways of helping and supporting those experiencing such crises, regardless of their ultimate decisions regarding church affiliation or activity.

7. We affirm the inherent and equal worth of all human beings. We seek spaces where Mormons (and all people) can interact as equals regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation. In this spirit of egalitarianism, we prefer non-authoritarian and non-hierarchical means of organization and affiliation.

There’s some interesting stuff there, and last week on my runs I listened to the podcasts from the conference, namely talks by Carolyn Lynn Pearson and Joanna Brooks. Joanna made me stop in the middle of the run after I started laughing so hard when she exclaims in dismay that there are no tissues at the pulpit, since it was at a Unitarian church, and apparently Unitarians don’t cry at the pulpit like Mormons do. So, I finally decided to dust off the idea for a blog post about the definition of Mormonism. Since the draft of those seven principles is open for discussion, this is my attempt at continuing the discussion. I will also be responding directly to things that were said in those podcasts.

I am extremely uncomfortable with any definition of Mormon that doesn’t include some kind of religious belief. Both Joanna and Carolyn make a big deal over the fact that Jewish identity is not wrapped up in Judaism. You can still call an atheist Jew a Jew. Joanna, however, rightly points out briefly that there are problems with equating Jewishness to Mormonness, but doesn’t elaborate on the point. I’m not sure what she would say if she were to elaborate on it, but I think that one thing which is quite clear is that Mormons are not a unique, genealogically related people the same way Jews are. I could become an adherent to Judaism, but I would not be a Jew. A Jew could become a Mormon, and he would just be a Mormon. So to say that Mormon identity can be similarly discussed like Jewish identity is a huge mistake.

I think a better comparison would be Islam. Can you really be a Muslim without believing the shahada, that “there is no God but God, and Muhammed is the messenger of God?” I don’t think so. Islam is not a genetic identity. It’s much more wrapped up in belief, as I’ve talked about before. Of course, there’s also the orthopraxic side of Islam, but I think even if you don’t pray five times a day you could still be considered a Muslim, just one who doesn’t follow that particular pillar of Islam. But I think the shahada is non-negotiable. Are there similar beliefs in Mormonism?

New Order Mormons don’t think so. The Mormon Stories podcast with one of their founders was a very interesting one to listen to. She basically said that we’re all “buffet Mormons” to some extent, picking and choosing which doctrines we believe. So why not embrace that fact? And while I agree in part, I am uncomfortable with the idea that you can simply pick and choose anything to believe and still be Mormon. I’m probably overstating her case, so go listen to her podcast. Are there no necessary and sufficient conditions to be Mormon? Or is this like Sarah Palin calling herself a feminist, when she is pro-life. Can you be pro-life and a feminist? (I hope so.) Can you be an atheist and a Mormon? (I don’t think so.) Are we all simply “making it up?” If so . . . well, I’m going backpacking, just like I told my liberal Protestant friends at Yale.

So what do you have to believe to be Mormon? The temple recommend or baptismal questions might be a good place to start, and they are interesting because they are mostly orthopraxic, not so much orthodoxic. But there are statements about the Godhead, Jesus Christ as Savior, the restoration of the gospel, and the modern church leaders as prophets. As far as orthodoxy goes, that’s not very much (even with all it entails). Certainly less theologically dense than even citing a creed in mass, if you know what the creed entails.

But then there’s the niggling thought in the back of my mind that my friend in New York City cannot answer those questions the way the church would like, yet he still shows up to church and serves every week. He is clear and open to his bishop and does not want the Church to change to suit his whims. He is okay not holding a temple recommend, for example. Is he really not a Mormon? Or perhaps a contrasting example from one of the presenters at the Faith and Knowledge conference at Duke earlier this year will be enlightening. This presenter said it was completely okay to lie to the bishop about his Word of Wisdom violations in order to attend a family member’s sealing. To be clear, “uncomfortable” doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel for that particular aspect of what this presenter said at the conference. “Honest in your dealings with your fellow man” anybody? But does such a blatant violation of LDS rules mean he is not a Mormon?

Perhaps instead of Islam, a better analogy would be Catholicism. I recently read this article, and really liked the third option it gave, i.e. a Catholic is someone who believes somehow in the sacraments and sacramentals, and this belief ends up creating cultural Catholics more easily identified because of statues, pictures of Mary, etc. Calling this third option “cultural” doesn’t quite capture the nuance of the idea; there’s definitely something religious going on. And they do say their creed at every mass. But if we want to apply this rule to Mormonism, then we run into the problem that to participate in the LDS ordinances (sacraments), you need to answer the recommend questions correctly. I had to show mine to one of my brother-in-laws bishopric so I could help confirm my nephew last weekend. Oddly enough, though, nobody checks your worthiness week to week to take the sacrament, arguably the most central ordinance in the church. But that’s probably because of the impossibility of thoroughly interviewing everybody who shows up at church every week.

I very much don’t like the idea that the definition of “Mormon” is merely membership records, because heaven knows there are plenty of “Mormons” by that standard that don’t go to church, don’t believe anything at all church-related (or at least uniquely LDS, many will of course be Christians of one variety or another), and don’t claim membership in the church or of the term “Mormon.” So that’s not a good definition, even if you can only make your “I’m a Mormon” profile at Mormon.org if you have a membership record. (And at least the church’s PR department is working to make us not seem like this Newsweek cover from 2001.)

Mormons are getting more exposure, and “member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” is probably the most commonly accepted definition. I’ve even seen the mainstream media mostly get basic Mormon beliefs correct!

Nor should the definition be just those who actually show up on Sundays, because there are many that claim to be Mormon, but don’t go to church regularly. We call them “inactive,” but still Mormon. Grant Hardy made an interesting observation to me at a fireside he was giving here in DC when he said that he thinks the gospel works better when we’re a minority. The local leaders can't be as picky when they have to deal solely with whoever shows up, warms chairs, and fulfills callings. I wonder if those we would term “inactive” still self-identify as Mormon when they live in areas that are not predominately LDS? Is “inactive” a category that really only works in the Mormon corridor?

The values statement above says that “we choose to self-identify as Mormon,” and Joanna talks a lot about that in her remarks. Her field of study is different than mine, though both are in the general realm of “religion,” so I defer to her expertise on matters of self-identity and identity formation. And perhaps it’s just the theologian in me, but I think beliefs and doctrines matter. If anybody can claim to be a Mormon, then the term “Mormon” loses all meaning, even if it’s true that “the distinction between Mormon and non-Mormon is not as bright as many believe.”

If we just want to do good works and help people, what makes us different from the Rotary club? On this subject I very much more agree with Stephen Prothero’s God is not One which basically says that to call all religions the same and water them down to an injunction to “be nice” does a great injustice to all of them. Mormon pioneers did not cross oceans and walk across continents because God merely told them to “be nice.” There was a greater depth of feeling and belief there. Catholic priests don’t give up family relations and take vows of celibacy or poverty because God wants them to “be nice.” Buddhists don’t try to achieve enlightenment by “being nice,” they try to get rid of all desires, a thing diametrically opposed to the monotheistic idea that we should love God first, eternally, and then love our neighbor. Muslims don’t proclaim that there is no God but God, and Muhammed is the messenger of God to “be nice.” There is much more going on in all of these religions. To water them down is to wipe away the boundaries that separate us, and not all boundaries are bad. Identity is based on boundaries. On this issue, I found myself agreeing with Margaret Toscano from one of the other podcasts from the Salt Lake Mormon Stories conference, and completely agreeing with Margaret Toscano is not something that I thought was ever going to happen in my lifetime! (It may never happen again.)

I also absolutely agree with Carolyn that we should all be more inclusive. Being a Mormon doesn’t mean we all need to be “stormtroopers for Jesus” with no individual differences. However, I being inclusive doesn’t mean that labels aren’t valuable or useful. I certainly think the ultimate goal of the church is to create Zion, a people of one heart and one mind, but that does not mean we all need to look like the above cover of Newsweek. And I’m sure there will be differences of opinion even after we’ve created Zion. So “one heart and one mind” doesn’t equal “absolute homogeneity.”

I have a bit of experience with exclusiveness. Our first Mormon Stories meetup here in DC was arranged by one of the founders of Staylds.com. I showed up and had a good time talking with everybody, and as we went around the table introducing ourselves in the foodcourt at Tyson’s Corner in Virginia, I said that I was still a TBM (which in internet bloggernacle parlance means “true believing Mormon”). That earned me a comment from one of the other attendees. “Do we let TBMs come here?” So, the inclusiveness/exclusiveness sword cuts both ways. Not everybody who listens to Mormon Stories is having or has had a crisis of faith. Does that exclude me from the community that’s being built up around the podcasts?

Do Mormons need to be less judgmental? Absolutely. Does that mean that judgments are never acceptable? No. Do Mormons need to be more forgiving of those that are different? Yes. Does that mean that we should not have codes of conduct or articles of faith? No.

I realize that there is no one answer that everybody will agree on as the definition of “Mormon.” Yet there are a few things that I think any definition of “Mormon” must have.

1. An element of self-identity. You must claim the term “Mormon” somehow to be one.
2. A religious element. I’m very uncomfortable with the term becoming something like “Jew.” It needs to be more like “Muslim,” or better yet “Catholic.” This aspect needs to be primary and necessary.
3. An active communal element. There seems to me to be something fundamentally wrong with being a Mormon in isolation. Attend church. Show up for service projects. Post and talk on internet forums. Go to Mormon Stories conferences. Sunstone. MHA. Our biannual Faith and Knowledge Conference for LDS graduate students in religion. Something. Claim the identity and then still be trying to figure out what that means for you in your life! Like Joanna said, we all want to feel useful, and you can’t be useful if you don’t show up in some sense! “Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.”

To this end, I submit MY current definition of the term “Mormon.”

The people who claim the term ‘"Mormon," feel comfortable showing up in church on Sundays at least some of the time, and try to participate in the community are Mormons.

They might not hold temple recommends. They might not be orthodox (whatever that term means in a modern-revelation-based church). They might disagree with the brethren. They might not like their bishop. They might never do their home/visiting teaching.

But if I were their bishop, I wouldn’t tell them they weren’t Mormon. I must be honest, I’m a TBM. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior, and that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, with all its failings (especially the Church’s building committee and the correlation committee, in which I am not alone based on this article from the Church-owned Deseret News) is God’s kingdom, and is led by true prophets, with all of their human fallibilities. So I would try to get these people to come to my understanding, which I believe is the correct one. But if they are showing up and trying to figure it out, that’s fine by me. They are trying to actively be part of the body of Christ, and I would do my best to make things work. We might mythologize the lost sheep, but we need to remember that the shepherd didn’t move the flock to it; he brought it back to the flock.

Perhaps a better way to deal with this whole messy issue of defining what “Mormon” means is simply to add additional adjectives. I’m a “true believing” Mormon. I also like the term “mainstream.” John Dehlin calls himself a “non-correlated” Mormon. My friend in New York uses the term “neo-liberal” Mormon. I also like this idea; it lets the term “Mormon” be broad enough that we don’t exclude people, but allows for enough nuance in the discussion that we still have useful categories. But for now, I’m sticking with my definition.

As always, I reserve the right to change my (possibly wrong) opinion.

TL;DR "Mormon" is a religious term. If it changes to something else, cultural or whatever, we've lost something that we shouldn't have.

Thanks to Brian J., the other Brian J. (haha!), Michael, and Susan for reading drafts of this. Michael’s response was so detailed that I didn’t want to include it in this post, so he gets the honor of the first comment.

DC Friends' Alignment Chart

2011-06-27T23:27:00.010-04:00

I've blogged about the Dungeons and Dragon's alignment idea before, and even made a chart of the 9 possible alignments.

Well, Steve Ward was over here at the house over the weekend. He helped us feed the missionaries and perfected his "death by smoothie" recipe. Yummmmmmy!

You can see the pitcher of the smoothie concoction of wonder, and also the serving platter full of the slow roasted BBQ pork.

It was a bad weekend for any attempt at getting skinny.

After the missionaries left, I showed him the alignment chart I had made for the Stargate franchise. We got to thinking about my quotes of the day and the idea sprung up that I could easily do an alignment chart using friends of mine from DC. All of the quotes here are genuine quotes of the day with one exception. The Lawful Evil one was something someone else said to me during one of my Institute classes. I didn't say it.

So here it is!

Review: Marble Hornets (Season 1) or Now You Know About the Slenderman

2011-06-23T16:10:00.017-04:00

Last year I stumbled across what could only be termed an “internet urban legend.” Since then whenever I need to get my scared on, I look up something relating to the being known as the Slenderman.

Originally created on the Something Awful forums as part of a contest of photoshoped monsters, Slenderman has now reached some pretty epic levels of exposure. Here is the original photo and its caption:

This is one of two recovered photographs from the Stirling City Library blaze. Notable for being taken the day which fourteen children vanished and for what is referred to as "The Slender Man." Deformities cited as film defects by officials. Fire at library occurred one week later. Actual photograph confiscated as evidence.

Slenderman seems to be a being that stalks people. His victims become increasingly paranoid and he seems to be able to exert some kind of control over them. Or maybe he just makes them go insane. It’s unclear what his ultimate motivations are, but you can tell when he’s around because of the distortions that appear on audiovisual equipment when he is nearby.

The best and most well-known entry into what can only be called the Slenderverse is the Marble Hornets youtube channel. To sum up, a film student named Alex Kralie began to be stalked by the Slenderman and used his video cameras to document the goings on. His friend, Jay, eventually got the tapes and began posting them to youtube. Eventually, Jay himself began to get wrapped up in the mystery, and now the game’s afoot!

You can watch the Marble Hornets videos here.

And the creepy video responses by a guy known only as totheark here.

These videos are downright creepy. Watching the entire thing unfold as it was uploaded to youtube was spine-tingling, and was so good that when they released their "first season" on DVD I bought it. And it was well worth it. The only minor complaint I have is that sometimes the distorted audio gets too loud, but other than that it’s a very very good effort on the level of the Blair Witch Project (which I have not seen) or Paranormal Activity (which I have seen) by some dudes with some spare time on their hands. Roger Ebert himself has watched it and likes it. It’s also very nice to have the videos juxtaposed with the totheark videos on the DVD so you don’t have to be checking back and forth on youtube to see which response was posted when, something that I found annoying when I was trying to watch them “live.” And yes, it ruins the mythos a little to have a DVD and to have extras, commentaries, and other things, but if you really think that ruins the experience then you need to learn how to suspend your disbelief. If you’re at all a fan of horror, I think this DVD (if it’s still available) would be well worth your $15. And even if you don’t want to buy it, you can watch all of them on youtube, it’s just not as convenient.

Marble Hornets is only one of many video series about the Slenderman and his machinations. There are many many others. TribeTwelve and Everyman Hybrid are perhaps the other well-known video channels, but apparently they take a lot of getting into to appreciate, between Twitter accounts, different youtube channels, etc. so I haven’t personally gotten into them. I have watched the Anderson Journals (psychologically compelling) and TJA Projects (a very malevolent take on Slenderman and his minions) and enjoyed them very much. There are also blogs like this one that I found extremely compelling.

My one complaint in all of this is that far too often the Slenderman ends up being a very tall faceless human, and what genuinely creeps me out about the original photo is that you can tell there’s something . . . unhuman about him. This is, of course, a natural consequence of all these video series being done by people with no budget and therefore needing an actor to portray the Slenderman, so I’m not blaming them, really. Still, in all the Slenderman things I’ve seen, the one that creeped me out the most and made my skin crawl was from this “documentary,” specifically an interview between the father of one of the Slenderman’s victims and a policeman. That part starts at 3:05 and does contain swearing, but is very creepy because of the voice acting. Clearly you don't need to see Slenderman to get creeped out.

In short, I wish more of the Slendermen versions out there were like this, with the extra arms:

This mythos has even spawned costumes. Here you will find Masky (a servant? of the Slenderman from the Marble Hornets series) and Slendy himself DDRing.

Oh that I could get my friend Russ to be Slenderman for Halloween. He’s tall enough that it would totally work.

Or this one from deviantart, entitled “Bring Your Daughter To Work Day.” (It’s Samara, from “The Ring.”)

There are also parodies, like Splendorman.

So, in short, we have one guy who creates a very good very creepy photoshop of some dude with tentacle arms watching kids at a playground, and it spawns literally dozens of spinoffs that has even caught the attention of some of the mainstream media. You can even watch a cute girl watch Marble Hornets. This is totally an internet-only urban legend. And Marble Hornets is definitely worth your time, specifically. I’ve tried to point out a few others here, but they are the original. Well worth looking at if you like horror or film in general and have some time to kill. At night. So you can get the full experience.

And you know what the best part of this is? Once you find out about Slenderman, you can't get him out of your mind.

And now you know about him to.

And he knows that you know.

Be careful out there.

Camping!

2011-06-19T00:13:00.003-04:00

I don't go camping nearly as much as I want to. But another couple we know invited us, so we just spent two days at Ohiopyle State Park in PA.

Here are pictures.

And here's the video of me going down the rapids:

Despite the bleeding left big toe with dirt jammed under the nail, the scraped knees, the and the ripped toenail on the right big toe, it was totally worth it. I mean, did you see me barrel roll at 28 seconds in that video? Of course, I was supposed to roll to the right (to offset the fact that the water pushed me left right there), but it all worked out.

Why I Wasn't Raptured

2011-06-13T00:50:00.008-04:00

Well by now I'm sure you've all heard of Harold Camping, an evangelical Christian preacher who has made many headlines of late. Why? Well, he predicted with much fanfare that the rapture, which is when Jesus will come and takes the righteous true believing Christians to heaven and leave the wicked to suffer under the anti-Christ, would occur on May 21, 2011.

This wasn't actually the first time he's been wrong, but don't let that deter you. This time he's certain that the end of the world is coming on October 21, 2011.

I have an alternate explanation. I don't think anybody was righteous enough to be raptured. Did anybody else get these notes on May 22nd?

(The "sinner" part is a Serenity reference. I'm not actually a fan of all seven deadly sins.)

R.I.P Spirit

2011-05-28T23:42:00.005-04:00

NASA has announced that they are giving up hope on the Mars rover Spirit, which hasn't been heard from since March of 2010. This makes me a bit sad, since the intrepid little robot has done great things. But after it lasted many long years after it was supposed to die (it landed in 2004, when I was still at BYU, and was supposed to last 90 days), I can't be too sad.

After all, it gave us this picture, which is awesome:

Farewell to Stargate

2011-05-18T01:33:00.007-04:00

Good science fiction is actually not all that hard to come by. Good science fiction that doesn’t get cancelled before its time? That’s more difficult. Even from the SciFi channel, recently redubbed SyFy (which sounds like “siffy” in my mind, or maybe the beginning of “syphilis”), which isn’t really doing a good job with its scripted shows that much anymore, since, you know, wrestling has to be on Fridays. (Really? Wrestling?!?) At least the SyFy channel had the guts to respond to their bad decision making. This, of course, different than Fox, which is still getting reamed by nerds almost 10 years later, like in this hilarious scene from The Big Bang Theory.

I wish Stargate: Universe hadn’t been cancelled, signaling the end of the Stargate franchise, for now. Universe was a good show, and calling it Stargate Voyager or BattleStargate Galactica was unfair. Yes, it’s about a group of people stuck on a spaceship far from home with no way back. But that’s a pretty standard SciFi plot device that’s been used many times. Besides, Voyager was terrible from the get-go, Captain Janeway making a really stupid decision in the very first episode that forced them to spend however many years headed home. Now Doctor Nicholas Rush? That is a guy who’s megalomaniacal enough and Machiavellian enough to make their being stranded believable. Played by the marvelous Robert Carlyle, Doctor Rush is the one who simply must try to dial the ninth chevron one more time before evacuating their under-attack base. It works, and now they must either jump through the stargate, or die. Rush is exactly the kind of character who would do that. He’s like Gaius Baltar, the weasely scientist from BattleStar Galactica, but much more consistently written and acted. Rush is the Captain Picard of the Stargate franchise—a real character from the get go that just works, marvelously, mostly because of the fabulous acting. Robert Carlyle is also now one of my favorite actors. I mean, just check him out in this brilliant commercial!

In many respects, cancelling Stargate: Universe was like cancelling Star Trek: The Next Generation after two seasons. The franchise had done very well, and was taking off in new and, in my opinion, very interesting directions. But, also, in many respects, I can’t complain. I’m only in Season 2 of Stargate: Atlantis, and never did watch Seasons 9 and 10 of the original SG-1, but Stargate is one of the most successful science fiction franchises ever. I did a quick count; in order of number of episodes produced, there’s:

1. Doctor Who, with 774 episodes of this writing, which includes 1 TV movie. This show is still going on, and I doubt that anything is really ever going to catch this one. It’s technically just one show, but with 11 different people playing the Doctor and the near 50 year stretch since it began, I think we can call this a franchise.
2. Star Trek, with 703 episodes across 5 different TV shows, 11 movies, and certainly at least more movies to come.
3. Stargate, with 354 episodes, and two direct-to-DVD movies.
4. I have no idea what number 4 is. It likely is Babylon 5, with all its movies, 110 episodes in the original series, and at least the 13 episodes of the spinoff Crusade.

But whatever number 4 is, it’s a pretty significant drop off from the amount of production that Stargate got. I’m deliberately not including the Buffyverse or Smallville, because I don’t consider them science fiction. (Buffy and Angel together had 254 episodes, and comic books that extended their canon beyond just the TV shows, and Smallville ended with 218 episodes.)

Stargate was one of those movies that just makes a better TV show. SG-1 was a fantastic show. The spinoff, Atlantis, is getting into some very interesting moral dilemmas, which I appreciate, and the characters and overall plot that grew on me faster than even the SG-1 characters. Universe was indeed a much darker series, but a more than worthy addition to the franchise. Initially many were worried about this new tone, and also the idea of the producers that they would try to make it “younger” and “sexier.” That did not happen. There were younger characters, but, you know what, this series was supposed to have started 10 years after the initial series. The Stargate program had grown, and would include young military personnel. I didn’t find them overwhelming, or that it was clearly a show meant for a younger audience. And as far as the “people stuck on a spaceship” theme, it was far and above a better treatment of that than I’d ever seen. Certainly better than either Voyager or BSG.

I also like that the producers were able to end the franchise on a “nice” cliffhanger note. Not everything has been wrapped up. Not everything is resolved. But good science fiction franchises don’t have to end. There doesn’t have to be, really, a point where everything is tied up in a nice little bow. The ending for me was extremely emotionally satisfying in a way that only one other “this-show-was-cancelled-too-early” series was, and that was the brilliant early ending to Joss Whedon’s Angel. The ending of this series has a character staring off into space as the Ancient's ship Destiny continues onward, unsure if he will even survive (the rest of the crew is in some kind of cryogenic stasis for three years, but there wasn’t enough pods for him). He’s wearing his goofy “You are Here” t-shirt, and as he looks out at the stars flying by he smiles, a look of wonder lighting up his face. It’s perfect.

So, I do hope that someone, somewhere manages to pull MGM back to financial solvency enough that MGM can revisit the Stargate franchise, possibly wrap up some loose ends from all the TV shows with a mini-series or something, like what happened to Farscape or Firefly. But you know what, if that doesn’t happen, that’s okay too. It’s been a great ride, and if this ends up being all there is, I’ll be very satisfied with it.

To any Sci-Fi aficionado out there that hasn’t yet gotten into Stargate, I highly recommend the entire franchise. Thanks to Mike Barnhill for introducing me to it all those years ago.

Farewell, Stargate. (I hope just for now.)

Thoughts on the Death of Osama Bin Laden

2011-05-07T02:04:00.020-04:00

I was in New York city on 9/11, serving my LDS mission. My district leader and his companion were down by the twin towers when the entire event went down, and were even covered in the ash of the towers’ collapse. I was on Roosevelt Island when I watched the first tower collapse with my own eyes, and took this picture with my own camera shortly afterwards.

I stayed out late a few days later at a members house to watch President Bush give his post 9/11 speech to congress. And a few weeks later, I was sitting in the New York City Stake Center (where the temple now is) when President Hinckley announced in general conference that the U.S. had begun preliminary missile strikes on Afghani targets.

My reaction to the attacks was what you would expect of a 20 year-old American male. I wanted to watch Bin Laden go 10 rounds with one of our Navy SEALs. I wanted to see that pathetic excuse for a human being suffer. I wanted to see his body broken, his will shattered, and his ridiculous ideology laid bare for what it was—a lie from the very bowels of hell itself. I wanted him to see exactly what he had done, beg for death, and then I wanted him to die, to meet his maker, and I wanted to see the look on his face when he realized that the great God of heaven absolutely condemned his attack on the innocent people he had killed. I wanted to see the realization dawn in his eyes as the pearly gates shut before him that he would forever be cut off from the paradise he thought he would obtain. Mormons don’t believe in hell, but in those dark days after 9/11 I began to understand why some would consider it a fitting punishment.

Yet when President Obama announced that Bin Laden had finally been killed, my reaction was not as it would have been when I was 20 and in New York City right after the attacks. I strongly considered heading down to the White House to see and participate in the celebration. I probably could have caught a ride with some friends who went down. But part of me couldn’t bring myself to go. I had apparently matured in the intervening years since my mission, and while I felt relief in many ways, there was also an air of sadness. The Roman Catholic church’s official response very much mirrored my own.

“In the face of a man’s death, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibilities of each person before God and before men, and hopes and works so that every event may be the occasion for the further growth of peace and not of hatred.”

Now, I want to make it clear that I am not condemning anybody who celebrated in any way, shape, or form at the announcement. My old roommate David blogged about his experience going down and celebrating at the White House, and I think his thoughts on having grown up in a post-9/11 world, and how the celebration was cathartic for him, are excellent. I don’t begrudge him his facebook profile picture, and celebration of the people “almost all around [his] age who had been too young to be mad about 9/11 and could only be fearful.”

However, it is said that “you can safely assume that you have created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” Well, this was the image that sprang to mind.

I’ve blogged about this picture before.

Justice was done. The realities of this world are such that Bin Laden had to be captured or killed. I’m glad that the President and his officials took the actions that they did, as immortalized by this picture. (One quip I saw on the internet was that Obama didn’t need to send Navy SEALs, his stare of death could have killed Bin Laden.)

But part of me resonates with Ether 12:4, “wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world.” Yes I know the context is talking about the next life, but I don’t think I’m misappropriating the meaning of the scripture to think it can also apply to this world.

That’s the reason the above picture of the Savior is so arresting. So challenging. It’s supposed to be. It’s a testimony to me that God does not hate the same people I do. And a testament to how far we have to go, both collectively as a race, and with me individually. Is it appropriate to celebrate Bin Laden’s death? Certainly. But celebrate justice, and celebrate the fact that such an evil man will no longer be able to influence others with his murderous ideology. Don’t celebrate merely because he’s dead and you wanted vengeance. That way lies the dark side, and I would hope we could all learn from the words of the scriptures, “Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth” (Proverbs 24:7). Or perhaps from the words of the Master, “but I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

Being A Good Uncle, Long-Distance.

2011-05-01T18:39:00.005-04:00

Wish I could see the nephews that don’t live here in Maryland more often, but what do you do? Nathan and Robin were supposed to come down over Easter weekend, but the arrival of baby #2 in their house is imminent, so their doctor said not to drive down. Then the other nephews are in Utah or California, so we just don’t get to see them often. Doesn’t mean we can’t talk over Skype, which we do.

Bronson’s learned to touch my nose through Skype (he’s doing it in this picture, and apparently had butter on his fingers when he did so—sorry!).

Nat introduced Susan and I to Plants vs. Zombies, which Susan has beat, and I have not.

Here's a screenshot of the game from my phone:

And I taught Christian how to give a high five over Skype.

It occurs to me that if you have an iPhone 4 or the right kind of iPad 2, then we are at the point, technologically, where you could video chat with someone anywhere, anytime. That's amazing.

That helps me be a good uncle, I hope. But I’m still looking forward to have Stephen and Rachel here on the east coast in the fall, our Holbrook family reunion to Eden this summer, and the Mikkelsen family reunion in August. I actually want to give Christian a high-five, play with Bronson, and let Nat see Plants vs. Zombies on my iPhone. But for now, Skype will do.

And Some Love for Mormon Singles . . .

2011-04-28T12:38:00.004-04:00

So my post a few weeks ago focused just on Mormon Mommy Blogs, but I acknowledged that I enjoy reading many blogs. Though the focus of that post was just on Mormon Mommy Blogs, I felt bad that to focus on it was to marginalize single people in the church, something that happens (intentionally or not) all too often.

But karma sometimes is a true principle. LDS single people are getting a documentary made about them!

If you want to donate, here's their website.

More Corporation Idiocracy

2011-04-23T13:01:00.003-04:00

Let's try this again, for those smart people. Because all of the comments on this blog entry didn't actually address the question I wanted my smart economist friends to answer.

Left and right, Democrat and Republican are false dichotomies.

It's really corporations vs. little people. Because they don't even pay as many taxes as illegal immigrants. And we keep rewarding idiots for their mistakes, and at our own expense!

That issue is what I want you all to address? Am I wrong?

Also, relevant from Calvin and Hobbes, and for a good laugh too:

Mormon Mommy Blogs

2011-04-19T10:01:00.004-04:00

I didn’t blog about this when it first hit, but thought it worth mentioning. There was a very interesting article on Salon.com about Mormon Mommy Blogs a few months ago. I think you should all read it.

No seriously. Go read it.

Without reading too much into things, I did like this article’s response, that perhaps this is one way that LDS women can “let their light so shine,” so to speak.

My sister-in-law Robin even posted a response to the salon article that really made me smile (and also made me want to have some of that special Wyoming honey).

To those of you on my blogstalk list who qualify, I think, as Mormon Mommy Bloggers, thanks. I very much enjoy reading your blogs, even if I don’t comment as much as I should.

But my blogstalk list isn’t just Mormon Mommy Blogs. I have a variety of blogs that I read, from Feminist Mormon Housewives to a friend that I’ve had since middle school, even if he doesn’t update his blog (we still play Dungeons and Dragons together, so it’s all good). And I enjoy them all. It’s true that Mormon Mommy Blogs do give a bit of insight of how life can be quite blissful even when things are as complicated as they can be as recently married families with young kids usually are. Nevertheless, I appreciate all of the blogs that I read, because they are a glimpse into many lives, all of which are complicated to one degree or another. Except TAMN's, of course. (Although, I think Seriously So Blessed has gone defunct, which makes me sad.)

So to all of you whose blogs I read, thanks! Today, however, a special shout out goes to those Mormon Mommy Blogs I read, namely to Rebecca (my sister), Rachel, Robin (sisters-in-law), Elizabeth (cousin), Beth (sister-in-law’s sister-in-law, how extended family is that?), and Haylee (my best friend’s wife).

Budget Woes, Or "Of the 1%, By the 1%, and For the 1%"

2011-04-08T20:14:00.015-04:00

So, I’m all for hardworking Americans to keep their hard-earned money, but when times get tough, shouldn’t they have to pay their fair share? Because it sure seems that they aren’t.

So over the last thirty years, the rich have gotten richer. Like, way richer.
And their tax rates have gone down steadily since WWII. And the super rich? They’ve recoved quite nicely from the recession.

Also, corporations end up paying no taxes. Wait, what? Yes yes. I know that we should tax businesses as a low rate, otherwise they, and their jobs move elsewhere (although, that seems to happen a lot anyway). But should they not be paying their fair share? I don't care if our corporate tax rate is 35%, if they don't actually pay it, then what is the tax rate of 35% for?

The Daily Show - I Give Up - Pay Anything...
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

So, with the imminent arrival of a federal government shutdown, what is congress doing? Well, apparently duking it out over whether we should really kick the poor when they’re down or let ideology trump practicality.

I mean, it’s not like the Republicans have been acting sane over the things they want to cut? I mean, was it necessary to have an “emergency” session to cut funding to NPR?

Seems there aren’t a lot of options here. You can either:
1) Cut spending.
2) Raise taxes.
3) Do both.

The question is where to cut spending, or how to raise taxes.

As far as cutting spending, I think we should go after the things that actually take up the supermajority of the budget, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and the Military. At least Representative Ryan mentioned going after Medicare. He may have done it poorly, ill-timed, and badly planned, but at least he talked about it. And at least this discussion is actually making Obama be serious about cutting the budget, like he wasn’t at the State of the Union Address, as shown by the beautiful youtube video.

But we shouldn't cut funding to certain things. Like Sesame Street.

In any event, all the actual discussion of cutting budgets is doing to me is reassuring me that my political status on facebook should remain “a pox on both your houses.” I watched a George Carlin skit years ago about the end of the American Dream. You can go youtube it if you want, but it’s George Carlin, so there’s a lot of swearing. Basically, he goes all conspiracy theory on how we can choose between Democrats and Republicans to give us the illusion of free choice, and in the end, it’s the rich and the corporations that actually control everything.

I don’t think he’s right. I’m certainly not thinking that the corporations and rich are a shadow government. But part of me thinks he’s not exactly wrong, either. He also said “Conservatives say that if you don’t give the rich more money, they will lose all their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they’ve lost all incentive because we’ve given them too much money.” Good comedians are good precisely because, sometimes, they hit the nail right on the head.

It also reminds me of this excerpt from the Gospel Principles manual. “All of us should be willing to serve, no matter what our income, age, or social position. Some people think only the poor and lowly should serve. Those people are called Republicans. Other people think service should be given only by the rich. Those people are called Democrats.”

Oh, sorry, that was my editing. However, that was the editing going on in my mind while I read it live in Priesthood a few weeks ago, when I took this picture on my iPhone precisely because I edited it in my head while reading it live.

So I’m sorry. We should cut spending. We should also, however, raise taxes. When the going gets tough, I think the wealthy should pay more taxes. And the going got tough a few years ago. This has also been proposed. But it’s not going to happen. We argued about that last year when deciding to extend the Bush tax cuts. (Krugman argues quite convincingly in that piece that "sacrifice is for the little people.") So the rich don’t have to pay higher taxes. However, I’m not exactly sure they’re in touch with reality anymore. Heck, I’m not sure our senators are all in touch with reality anymore.

Basically, it seems that whatever happens, the poor are the ones that get the short end of the stick. And it keeps getting shorter. I'm beginning to agree with George Carlin that the choice between Democrats and Republicans is a false dichotomy.

A pox on both your houses, Democrats and Republicans.

However, I’m no economist. Thoughts from you, my smart friends?

Plans for Nephews (and Nieces)!

2011-03-19T23:11:00.006-04:00

My nephew, Bronson was born with a clubbed foot. He's made remarkable progress and this week began walking (at 9 months!).

This video made me cry. So proud of the little guy. This is just one step towards preparation for time with Uncle Carl later.

Like this, earlier today with the Dugan kids:

Also, I was talking with my friend Allan a few weeks ago. Allan recently became a father and is really excited about it all. He was talking about how he still has all his old games we played as teenagers and was looking forward to sharing them with his son, Charlie. It made me sad that I had thrown away all of mine.

So I went on eBay, found a nearly pristine copy of BattleMasters, and had Susan buy it for my birthday. For the kids who might not like roughhousing as much.

All of the above plans are, of course, also for my children. But today I'm focused on nephews and nieces.

Ash Wednesday, Or We're All Made of Stardust

2011-03-10T16:10:00.005-05:00

So, for the first time in my life I decided to do Lent. I'm giving up fast food to prepare for the Easter season. Yes, to fully get the Lent experience, we had Papa Johns for Fat Tuesday. Our own little Carl and Susan version of Mardi Gras (we ate pizza and watched Buffy; it was pretty tame).

I went to mass last night and got the ashes on my forehead. This is allowable by Roman Catholic canon law, whereas, for example, I cannot take communion (which I don't want to anyway, being Mormon). As the Monsignor placed the ashes on my forehead he solemnly incanted a line paraphrased from Genesis 3:19. "For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return."

Oddly enough, the thought that came to my mind was this one, from Neil DeGrasse Tyson:

Then that reminded me of a quote from Carl Sagan.

"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed?'"

To be fair, I'm not sure Sagan is right that "hardly any" major religion has done this. I know that at least my religion does look at the universe and allows itself to be flabbergasted. James E. Talmage is a good example of that-God is the ultimate scientist for him. But ultimately, it is awe and wonder at the love Jesus offers us that reminds me that, however I got here, stardust or whatever, I am dust. And one day, I shall return to dust (it's why I want a viking funeral, or at least to be cremated). It was a nice reminder to be humble last night at the mass. I do think, however, that the scripture from Genesis needs to be added to. I think Job said it best, "And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God."

But that's perhaps more appropriate to talk about in conjunction with Easter, in 46 days.

The Zombie Apocalypse Has Begun!

2011-03-04T16:50:00.003-05:00

I give you . . .

Patient Zero.

Now,

To my left is my iPhone. I hope it can get me to a guns and ammo shop quicker than most else. Otherwise, I'm gonna die.

What's to your left? How would you fare in the Zombie Apocalypse?

Good Job!

2011-03-02T16:49:00.003-05:00

BYU! You did it! You kicked out a student athlete that was really important for our chances at a championship.

Thank you!! Maybe if I become president of BYU (pipe dream of sorts, but hey) I won't have to get rid of the sports programs because the idiot student athletes think they're above the honor code!

Notre Dame, you're still fired. Again.

Review: Carl Sagan's Cosmos, or "Almost Thou Persuadest Me to be a Scientist."

2011-02-24T14:34:00.004-05:00

I remember watching Contact back in 1997 when it first came out. It was, to me, one of the most mind-bendingly scientifically accurate movies I’d ever seen. Rewatching it sometime last year, as well as reading the book (which is also amazing), kind of got me to thinking about Carl Sagan. I’d heard of him, but he died in 1996, just before the movie came out, so wasn’t really part of anything big in my life. I had also a vague recollection of the Cosmos book sitting on my parent’s bookshelf, but I discovered about a month ago that the complete TV show Cosmos was available for streaming on Netflix I decided I would watch it.

I genuinely think had I watched this entire thing at some point before I got to college, I may very well have changed my focus from philosophy and theology to astronomy and science. I’ve always enjoyed science and maybe, if I had a better calculus teacher in high school, I would have pursued it as a possibility more vigorously. Sagan’s ability to explain the complex in simple, easily understood terms is amazing and very eye opening. When he got to his description of evolution I recalled it from somewhere in the back of my mind as one of the clearest explanations of it, one that had helped me more fully understand the principle sometime in my past.

I actually learned very little in terms of science from watching the entire show itself. I recalled enough from my old days in high school reading such books that the information discussed wasn’t all that new or exciting. I learned more about the history of science than I did about science itself. The real joy of watching this was watching Sagan, a man consummately good at teaching about science, with great one liners such as “to make apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” Sagan’s ability to demonstrate how we are merely on part of a journey from ignorance to further knowledge spoke very clearly to me. I think in some ways my choosing philosophy and theology were part of the same drive for understand and knowledge that he has. Two sides of the same coin, in many ways—also a reason I liked Contact and how it handled similar themes. It’s also why I dislike Richard Dawkins and the current crop of atheist authors. Their unwillingness to consider other points of view and see those who are believers as fellow citizens on a journey of understanding is arrogant to me. It’s why BYU invited Neil Degrasse Tyson to give a forum lecture, even though he’s an atheist, because Tyson isn’t a jerk about his beliefs.

Sagan actually is a scholar and a gentleman, and his approach to science and knowledge is one of deep awe and child-like wonder. I’ve genuinely only felt that way a few times in my life, and it was usually when pondering the mysteries of the universe—whether from science or religion. I would highly recommend this series to anybody who is interested in science and astronomy, even though it’s long, I gained an appreciation for all those who have tried to understand the universe, scientists, humans, and fellow-travelers through life whose achievements allow me to blog about this show, which I watched at home in a heated apartment, streamed from the internet through a Blu-Ray player, on a TV. To give you some idea of how simply eye-opening this show can be, I submit to you the following videos, one that someone made as a “commercial” for NASA a few months ago that got some attention on the internet, and one of the better versions from youtube (and there are many) of Sagan’s “Pale Blue Dot” speech.

Final Score: 99/100. I remember thinking he got a little preachy about all religion once, but that was momentary, and that was the only complaint I had in the entire 13 hour series.

Book Review: Nomad by Ayaan Hirsi Ali

2011-01-23T20:17:00.018-05:00

In 2009 I first read Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s Infidel, which chronicles her very unique life’s journey from the daugher of a Somali revolutionary (her grandmother apparently grew up a bona fide desert nomad) to now outspoken atheist critic of Islam, with detours into radical Islam and tenure as a member of the Dutch Parliament. When I was reading it I had lunch with a good friend of mine, Deidre, who was aghast that I was reading Hirsi Ali’s book. Deidre explained that Hirsi Ali’s idea for fixing the abuses of Islam was the eradication of Islam itself, basically (as I understood it, a burning down of the entire forest that ignored the good things about Islam). But nonetheless I finished the book, and set it aside. I read a different book, though obviously similarly titled, last year called Now They Call Me Infidel by Nonie Darwish. I also took a class at CUA on Islam, and I’ve blogged about Islam a few times before here, here, and here so these ideas have been batting around in my head for a while. So when I saw that Hirsi Ali had published another book, I picked it up and started reading it.

What I discovered was that it was a much more mature version of her earlier book. She didn’t really want to rehash her life’s story, but showed how Islam and its culture has affected, and does affect, the various members of her family. And instead of simply saying “Islam is bad,” she goes on to describe precisely how she thinks it is bad, and how that can be countered. The end of her book describes very specific things that can be done to better integrate Muslim immigrants into western societies, specifically education about finances (credit, loans, and the like), sexuality, and violence. Certainly I cannot disagree with the idea that education is a powerful tool, and that it would help Muslim immigrants. There is much that can be done to help assimilate people unfamiliar with their culture, as demonstrated in this article from the Wall Street Journal detailing a similar situation, but here in America, and with Russian Christian immigrants.

Hirsi Ali also talked about what she’s seen here in America as she has gone to various lectures—a steady stream of young, well-educated Muslim women wearing hijabs who come up to the microphone and accuse her of misrepresenting Islam. (Deidre came to one of these meetings, one that Hirsi Ali actually speaks of in the book because she was asked "Who gives you the right to talk about Islam?" to which one student in the back yelled out "The first amendment!" Of course, that argument, while true, doesn't address whether Hirsi Ali is right or not.) This is where Hirsi Ali is at her verbal best, even if the tone isn’t going to actually move the conversation forward. Basically her response is, “you know, in Saudi Arabia, you girls in your hijabs accusing me of preaching falsehood against Islam couldn’t even be getting this education, so shut up about what Islam is actually like.”

I myself have encountered this in a class on Islam I took at CUA. One of the Muslim students from the class, with their significant other, and I were riding the metro home together and we got to talking about various issues, like the South Park episode about Muhammad, and the riots in Denmark a few years ago because of the Muhammad cartoons. Needless to say, I was rather disturbed by the tone of the conversation. They weren’t advocating violence, but they really weren’t condemning those who reacted so violently against these events. At all. They seemed to think that the creators of South Park and those cartoons were asking for it.

And what is Hirsi Ali’s overarching theme in this book? Again, it’s the same, that Islam is a force for evil in the world and the western ideas of the enlightenment are near universal truths that just work better. I really read this and started to mentally roll my eyes. After all, Western culture has its failings too. But then I read a passage that changed my entire opinion of the book. After mulling it over, I thought that I would simply go back to Borders and take pictures of the passage so you could all read it for yourself. From pages 212-214:

This part blew my mind. And it spoke so clearly to me and my sensibilities. You can ask Susan, it kind of threw me for a loop that day, to suddenly discover that, despite the best efforts of my professors at Yale, I was still a cultural imperialist. When I read the line “the culture of the Western Enlightenment is better” my heart skipped a beat.

Finishing the book I then discovered that it really was a much more mature version of her earlier work. Having done the US lecture circuit, she’s run into people like my friend Deidre, and has specific responses to their criticisms. And all of these responses ring so very true to me.

First, that we need to get over colonialism. Seriously. Get over it. So Western societies really did some screwy things. Horrible things. Genocidal things. That doesn’t mean you have to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Western society is not 100% bad.

Second, that with the death of colonialism, we will be able to realize that oppression is not always the result of actions by straight white Christian men. Any human being is capable of oppressing another, and we need to stop oppression. Period. The focus on wrongs of the past by Western culture are blinding us to the wrongs of the present from other cultures.

Third, equal respect for all cultures doesn’t actually translate into reality. She has another great line about this. “In the real world, equal respect for all cultures doesn’t translate into a rich mosaic of colorful and proud peoples interacting peacefully while maintaining a delightful diversity of food and craftwork. It translates into closed pockets of oppression, ignorance, and abuse.” Her comment reminded me of this talk by Richard G. Scott of my church's Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

Fourth, that it is disingenuous to say that parts of the Islamic culture aren’t really “Islamic.” Things like FGM spring to mind. Hirsi Ali’s assertion is that these cultural oddities have been wedded to Islam over the past, oh, millennia, so to assert that Islam doesn’t actually preach these things is to ignore that welding together of Arabian culture and Islamic teaching.

Certainly Hirsi Ali is setting up a false dichotomy in many ways—Islamic culture, or Western culture (and she thinks that Denmark is the pinnacle of Western culture). She herself falls into the exact same trap she accuses others of. The reality of the situation is that all cultures have failings (the suicide rate in Denmark is extraordinarily high, for example), and we should pick up from each culture those things that are good. I particularly like the emphasis on family in Arabian Muslim culture, but again, sometimes this emphasis leads to things it should not. No one culture is so evil it needs to be completely eradicated. But certainly some things do. It was coincidence, of course, but Hirsi Ali’s books are right next to I am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali, another book that is a startling reminder that these things still exist. As if recent news wasn’t enough to make that clear.

So, Hirsi Ali’s book was eye opening to me in some ways. I think given a false dichotomy of Western culture and Muslim culture, Western culture is better. But she makes that (valid) point in such a blunt manner with such flaws that it almost invalidates it. Almost. I like the criticisms in this NY Times book review of it—namely that her family seems dysfunctional for other reasons than Islam (though Hirsi Ali would clearly disagree with him), and that she’s equated all of Islam with the Arabian versions she encountered. To be fair, though, that is the form of Islam that seems to be spreading the fastest. I was also amused at her assertion (one shared by Nonie Darwish) that Christianity, with its God of love, should be playing a bigger role in the "clash of civilizations." Hirsi Ali did apologize to Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, etc. for saying this, which amused me further.

Also, in doing research for this blog post, cracked.com became actually relevant for a moment. Whoa.

In short, Ayaan Hirsi Ali has written a much better book than her first, though with some serious flaws, but on the whole I agree with her premise and conclusions.

And I think that made me become a cultural imperialist. Or at least reawaken the cultural imperialist in me. Western culture is better. Not perfect. Not the best. Just better. It still kind of creeps me out that I can just say that so boldly.

All right all you smart people who read this blog. Bring it on! (And I mean ALL of you. Anybody with any thoughts at all, I want you to share them.)

Resolutions 2011

2011-01-10T15:52:00.004-05:00

Last year my resolutions were:

1. To be under 150 lbs. sometime that year.

2. Do 50 pushups and 100 crunches daily (or weightlifting).

3. Run a 10k in less than 60 minutes.

4. Try not to eat after 8 p.m. (just a rule of thumb to eat less).

Then I decided to be ridiculous and bit off more than I could chew.

Then I took a few weeks off of being productive to recover.

Then I vacationed for a month and a half.

Then I got engaged and started planning a wedding.

Then I got married.

So, overall I hit some milestones that I wanted to. I did lose 20 pounds (after gaining 10), did run a 5k at slightly slower pace than the goal, and by the end of the year could run a 10k, if not as fast as the goal. So overall I didn't do so bad at the general goal of "get in better shape." My pants don't fit anymore (because they're too loose), and that's nice too.

But I want to do it again.

Goals for 2011:

1. To be under 150 lbs. sometime this year.

2. Do 50 pushups and 100 crunches 5 days a week.

3. Run a 10k in less than 60 minutes.

This on top of the academic goals that I already have of being ABD by summer, but those aren't really resolutions.

Year In Review 2010

2010-12-31T23:50:00.005-05:00

This final Year in Review entry is just not going to be as good this year. Why? Dave Barry appears not to have written a year in review, so I can’t link it for you like I’ve done in years past. Sadness.

Edit: No sadness! It was just posted late!

Anyway, here’s my year in review.

January 1. I’m at Grandma’s house, giving toasts as usual. I don’t remember what mine was this last year. Anybody else remember?

January 7. I fly home to begin my last semester of coursework. Ever. It’s good to see Susan after a few weeks. She’s been in Israel, and I’m jealous of that. Someday I’ll get to go, she assures me.

January 12. I begin teaching Old Testament for Institute.

During January I discover that in order to be finished with coursework for my PhD, I need to take an extra class. So I dig in. By this point I’m taking 5 PhD level classes, teaching Institute, and teaching one class at a community college. Sleep is a luxury for me this semester.

February 5-11. Snowmageddon occurs.

February 14. Susan and I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day. Her birthday is on February 15th, and she would rather do Valentine’s Day during the summer months, when it’s warm and she can wear nice things without freezing. We can have Valentine’s Day as long as it’s before August 14th, because that’s moving into next year’s Valentine’s Day territory.

February 26. Susan and I have been invited to a masquerade ball. She and I show up and it’s obvious that we are the most well-dressed people for the occasion. Also, I think we had the most fun.

February 28. I ask Susan what she's thinking about at our Olympic Closing Ceremony party. With about 20 people in the room (not that anybody else was paying attention to our conversation) she tells me she loves me for the first time.

March 13. I have a full beard for our Mad Hatter Tea Party. I shave it off to have what the “No Shave November” website calls “friendly mutton chops.” Susan and I are both disturbed with how good I look with that beard.
Sometime during the semester, I give a bearded man with a cane named Deacon Jim a fist bump because our professor compared Stoics to Vulcans. I love my life.

March 19. Susan and I drive down to Monticello, VA with Myles Cliff, listening to They Might Be Giants the whole way down. Susan proves to be a great driver in a pinch as she takes a corner entirely too fast, but manages to straighten out the car without flipping it or hitting anything.

March 30. My sister-in-law Robin gives birth to my second nephew, Alex.

April 6. For the first time in years, I am startled. My roommate David manages to jump out at me and actually get me to flinch. This is something that even Russ Bowers the giant couldn’t accomplish in the dark at night in our old basement.

April 29. I attend my last class ever. I’ve been so busy that I don’t even realize it’s my last class ever until I’m on the Metro.

May 5. I have my first, and last, oral final exam for Dr. Mattison’s Christian Marriage and Family class. Oral exams, where have you been my whole life? I love it!

At the end of the semester, I have passed the German class and therefore finished the German language requirement. Susan was kind enough to get mono so I could focus on finals.

May 24. My sister Rebecca gives birth to my nephew Bronson.

June 4. My roommate Adam wants to ask out a girl, Heather, but has waited too long to ask for this weekend, and since they will be out of town for the next few weeks, he needs some help. Susan and I invite him, and a guest, to double date with us at Medieval Times.

Best. Date. Ever.

Susan and I are totally goofy and are completely at home cheering for our knight as he battles the forces of evil in the tournament. In fact, Susan and I feel bad, because we’re having an astronomically good time. Adam and Heather are just having a regular good time. So, relative to us, they were having a much worse time. Oh well.

June 11. My roommate Steve moves out. He’s been my roommate for two years, and I’m very sad to see him leave.

June 13. Susan and I attend Mass in Latin, having been invited by my friend Jacob for his daughter’s baptism. Susan’s mostly excited because she gets to wear a nice hat to church.

June 16-18. My friend Allan and his wife Haylee fly out to DC for their second anniversary. Haylee is pregnant, and is a trooper as we jaunt around DC being tourists.

June 29. I take the Greek proficiency exam at CUA.

July 1. Susan and I fly back to Utah to spend time with my family. Mom, Dad, and the youngest three siblings, Xan, Caleb, and Catherine, all return from their three year stint in Russia where Dad served as a mission president. I get to meet my nephews Bronson and Alex. Also, I find out that I passed the Greek exam.

July 6. After a great week with my family, Susan has to fly home.

July 10. Per my request, Susan sends me a document with her preferences for rings- it’s 5 pages long. I believe this means we’ve become serious.

July 28. I go ring shopping with Heidi Johnson, who ends up helping with some Cranney family errands for her trouble.

July 30. I go ring shopping with Haylee. I’ve also been in contact with Susan’s sister, Maren. I’m pretty sure I have picked the ring I want. What I still lack is the surety that I want to ask Susan to marry me. Still, the guys at Jared love the 5 page document. One even wanted to get it laminated to show guys what their girl ought to have done to help the ring shopping process.

August 1. I fly to southern CA to hang out with Susan’s family. I beat Susan and the rest of the Eastern contingent by several hours, so I get to show Maren the ring I think I’ll use, and play with Susan’s nephew Nat. I make the mistake of playing with him at full speed for about half an hour. We should hook that kid up to the power grid- I think he could power a small city, maybe even a medium one.

August 3. While practicing our entry for the big Mikkelsen family reunion in a few days, I decide that the line “our biennial institution” is one that I can actually sing and mean it. It’s mine. I’m in. I’m proposing to Susan.

August 5. After a few days of hanging out with Susan’s immediate family, we all fly to northern CA for the big Mikkelsen family reunion. By this time, I’m totally in even more. Her Mom is even on board. “You know what? I think you two should get married.” The proposal date is set for August 13, the day before our deadline concerning Valentine’s Day.

August 13. Friday the 13th. I propose to Susan. Since she thinks we’re celebrating Valentine’s Day, she doesn’t suspect a thing until the last minute. She accepts.

August 15. Susan’s trying to plan the entire wedding, as I have been brought up to think my entire life is what should happen, isn’t actually that fun, and she’s getting very stressed. I take over a few parts. Within a week, I’m actually planning most of it. Putting the “men” in “engagement,” I guess. I’m teaching three classes at the community college and studying Latin, so I have the time.

September 2. After attending CUA’s Mass of the Holy Spirit, I have lunch with Shannon Berry, a fellow PhD student in systematic theology. She’s a self-styled theological ninja princess. She wonders aloud what the male equivalent is. I’m a theological ninja Jedi knight, of course.

September 18. Susan and I go look at what we think are the last apartments we want to view. Our friend Ginette is actually working at one, and gives us a tour of the available apartment. It’s so tempting that we want to sign right there, but I convince Susan to go look at one last apartment complex. That turns out to be the right one for us, and we sign a contract at the Forest Apartments in Rockville.

September 20. Susan finally tells the Chinese food delivery guy that my name is Carl, not Paul. He’s been calling me that for almost two years now.

October 19. Dave Mitchell comes to visit the apartment, as I’m trying to sell my contract. He eventually decides to take my spot. All is well.

October 29. Steve Peterson brings Alicia Kimball to our bookclub discussion of Massacre at Mountain Meadows. She and Susan discuss the possibility of her taking Susan’s contract.

October 30. I attend the Rally to Restore Sanity/Keep Fear Alive with my friends, and run into Alicia while there.

November 5. We begin the process of moving into our apartment. I find myself eating General Tso’s chicken on the ground out of warm pyrex (not hot, because our oven doesn’t actually work yet) while Susan naps. By this time, Alicia and her friend have agreed to take over Susan’s contract. All is well again.

November 17. Anders asks me what the temperature of my feet is. I assure him they’re quite warm.

November 19. Susan and I literally cheer when Adam sends me a text that he and Heather have just gotten engaged.

November 24. Susan wins quote of the year by saying “yes” at the appropriate place in the sealing ceremony. Hell freezes over. Everything goes swimmingly. I’m married to the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met.

I win. Forever.

November 25-28. We honeymoon up through Pennsylvania. We cannot recommend Hickory Bridge Farm Bed and Breakfast enough. It was the best Thanksgiving meal I’ve ever eaten.

December 5. I discover that it’s really true love, when I apologize to Susan for the inconvenience she’s encountering because I sliced off the end of my thumb. I think this trumps the time earlier when I gave her my iPhone to borrow without even thinking about it. (Her shocked look was what alerted me to the fact that I had just lent her my iPhone without even thinking about it.)

Early December. I finally change Susan from “fiancé” to “the wife” in my phone. Dunno why it took so long to do that.

December 23-8. Susan and I fly back to Utah to spend time with my family. It’ll be my first Christmas with my parents since 2007.

December 26. I teach my nephew Christian how to give a high five.

December 31. Susan and I drive up to Greensburg, PA to spend New Year’s Eve with my brother Nathan, his wife Robin, and nephew Alex.

Quote of the Year: Yes.

Insightful Quote of the Year: If your reality doesn’t match your theology, there’s nothing wrong with your reality.

And for more wit, wisdom, and just plain hilarity from my friends, family, and others, look at my Quotes of the Day (2010) google document!

Random Photos 2010

2010-12-30T20:24:00.065-05:00

After this blog entry I decided that this should be a yearly thing. Here are my random photos from 2010 (after that entry, obviously).

A few gentlemen from our singles ward were trying to make lemonade. Since they had nothing to stir it with, they just put the lid on really tight and shook it.

Laura Winder (now Pacini, yay!) was unable to attend my first institute class, but she made this sign and Heidi Johnson, her roommate, held it up so I could see.

Tristan Holley was assigned as my class president for the semester I taught institute. We covered the Old Testament, and he made sure to liven things up by drawing something on the board before class.

I'm SUCH a theology nerd. This was my blog on March 6th.

Susan's roommate Amy, eating peas out of a pot in a hoodie.

They make 100 calorie Little Debbie cakes. They're just tiny.

My nephew, Isaac, made this sign as a placeholder for me when I visited his house.

Someone, either Adam or Steve, doesn't like the edge brownies, apparently.

And don't forget to whistle as you keep right, and pass left.

The Smithsonian Zoo apparently has height restrictions. At least, the crosswalk to it does.

My good friend Allan and his sweetheart Haylee. With a colander on his backpack.

What do you call this? Susan and I couldn't decide, so we sent this photo to Steve to settle our dispute. What do you guys call it?

The car Susan rented while visiting in Utah apparently had a Cat Folder. We had (and currently have) no idea what that meant, or what it did.

Brian James was kind enough to let me have a can of the original recipe Mountain Dew he had. It's vastly superior to the current iteration.

Dead bird on one of my runs in Utah.

This frog is holding up a volleyball.

A t-shirt I saw at the Cannon center at BYU.

I saw that there was lightning while on a walk, and as an experiment I tried to catch a bolt on the iPhone camera. It worked. Not a great picture, but it worked.

Caleb made The Incredible Hulk, balloon-style.

This knife fell off of a tray and landed in this position, under the seat, but above the leg. Also at the Cannon center, where we ate a lot this summer (Thanks, Becca!).

My friend Devan helping finish off the desert for his birthday cake . . . with a blowtorch.

The train that kept making us pause right outside our hotel in Irvine, CA, at the Mikkelsen family shindig.

I found Hobbiton! Though, I don't seem very happy about it.

This truck ain't going nowheres.

Budget Truck on a boat in San Francisco Bay. That's all that was on the boat. Those guys are dedicated.

My friend Steve getting a backrub at Institute from a random member who needed money to get to her family in North Carolina. We gladly exchanged money with her as she was indeed a licensed professional masseuse.

Helping a friend move, I was required to use my manly man muscles of manliness.

My home teaching companion Matt going above and beyond the call of duty by helping fix something under our home teachee's dashboard. Yes, Matt is upside down in this picture.

David trying to "wake" Ben up by smothering him.

Turns out a can of tuna fish is exactly the size of the drain in my old apartment.

Not a very good picture, but because of stitches, Elder Nardini was allowed to grow out his goatee. Lucky punk.

Bumper stickers for Jesus.

If you've been following this blog for a while, you know that I play an online play-by-post version of Dungeons and Dragons with a few friends. Our characters in this campaign are evil, and we are trying to overthrow the Kingdom of Validras. In discussing this with my roommate, Steve, I said "Hey, I just play an evil character. I'm not actually evil. I don't run over kittens and things like that" to which his immediate response was "that's because you don't own a car." So when I saw this kid's ride at the mall, I had to take this picture, and send it to Steve.

My roommate Adam decided to try to be a vegetarian between Memorial Day and Labor Day, just as an experiment. Towards the end, he got some wicked protein cravings . . . and ate peanut butter out of a jar.

This just looked like official Mitt Romney diapers.

A praying mantis atop a car antenna in the parking lot of Shoppers.

We did not register for this pillow at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

David taking a nap before choir, looking like he's ready for his viewing.

Came outside from grabbing something in my apartment to see Susan merrily blowing bubbles.

David observing the spider outside our apartment. The web was most impressive.

Susan opening our first wedding present.

Dunno what's up with the saying on this bag.

I can't remember why, but I handed my phone to one of my students for a moment. As I walked back to get it, he snapped a picture of me. I guess that makes this the first official picture of "Professor Carl."

First time I ever see the phrase "Susan and Carl Cranney." It's on her mother's fridge.

Tank Yu.

My first Face Time with my nephew, Christian.

You can't really tell how long this is, but it's the wrapping for a gravy bowl. It's long. So long I decided it was going in the Random Photo Files for this year.

My old roommate Russ helping us move. He can't stand up in most moving vans on account of being a giant, and is a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but we love him anyway.

Yup. That's a U-Haul being dragged behind a Budget truck.

My first-year writing students decided to edit this atrociously written notice in the MCCC cafeteria. Made me so proud.

I didn't realize how long it took girls to do their hair until I started watching Susan prepare hers. Nor did I realize how interesting hair can be in the interim stages.

This is something I frequently say to people, so when we saw this license plate we chased the car down Rockville Pike until we managed to get a good shot of it.

A game for budding feminazis.

A wibbley-wobbly, timey-wimey puzzle.

This picture warms my heart. The Cranney family wall of pictures.

Stephen is wearing the wrong t-shirt.

Getting takeout at Chili's is serious business.

Husbandly duties.

2010-12-12T20:57:00.006-05:00

I do them. All of them. Including slaying the 3 inch spider we found in the box from Susan's sister with the fake tree in it. It was so big that I had to take a picture of it. Pen added for comparison.

After I killed it, I wiped off the bottom of my shoe and good thing to, because there was an actual leg stuck in between the fabric and the rubber.

I am husband.

Hear me roar.

I'm on my honeymoon now.

2010-11-24T07:34:00.006-05:00

Edit (12/1): Because nobody seems to get this post, the sign has ICICLES hanging off of it.

Letter to Senator Hatch/Congressman Chaffetz

2010-11-12T13:46:00.008-05:00

This is actually the second time I've ever written my senator. It's a little over the top, but here it is:

Dear Senator Hatch,

The TSA has recently begun implementing a few new security measures. First, they've begun using a backscatter X-Ray machine that some reports and newspaper articles have indicated might be of such a level to cause increased risk of cancer. Also, the ACLU (an organization that I'm normally not a fan of) has raised questions about the possibility of the machines being too invasive and the pictures being so detailed they are likely to be pornographic in nature.

However, the TSA will allow you to opt out of their backscatter X-ray machine if you agree to an apparently public pat-down bordering on physical sexual harassment, one in which 8 year old kids now get to be told that their "special parts" are only to be touched by themselves, maybe Mommy or Daddy when getting washed, doctors, . . . and TSA employees. Wait, what?

Pilots unions are beginning to fight back against this additional security, and several articles I read over the past few days began to openly wonder if people will simply stop flying. There are indications that Europeans are beginning to consider traveling to the states not worth it because of our additional security that is bordering on, of not crossing over into, harassment and doesn't seem to be making us that much safer anyway.

I'm worried that, because I'm not a pilot, I won't have anybody to stand up for me and say that the choice between either having pornographic images taken of me by a machine that may cause cancer or being groped in public by a government employee is a false dichotomy that I ought not be subjected to just because I want to go home for the holidays to visit my family with my new wife. Will you stand up for me, and help reign in the TSA from these unnecessary, invasive, embarrassing, and ineffective procedures?

Thanks for your time.

Yours,

Carl Cranney

P.S. My address is in MD but I am a registered Utah voter and you are my senator, so don't let that fool you.

Sources (for what they're worth):
Pilots and passengers rail at new airport patdowns.
Airport body-scan radiation under scrutiny.
Unions tell pilots to avoid body scanners at airports.
For the first time, the TSA meets resistance.

Also, do you think I should wear one of these when I go home for Xmas this year?

Edit (11/13), I also sent this letter to Jason Chaffetz, my congressman.

Edit (11/15): I also joined twitter so I could tweet with a group of redditors and others @ CNN and the white house. Messages as follows:
@cnn Mr. President: Would you send Michelle/Sasha/Malia through TSA screening? Naked photos or invasive genital groping, you get to pick
@whitehouse Mr. President: Would you send Michelle/Sasha/Malia through TSA screening? Naked photos or invasive genital groping, you choose

Rally to Restore Sanity/Keep Fear Alive/Halloween Pics

2010-10-31T17:37:00.004-04:00

I ordered a t-shirt just for the rally, and made this sign. I think I looked pretty good.

We made good time in the completely packed train once we left at 10:30. When we got to one of the stops, we convinced everybody to pretend we were zombies so nobody would try to get on. Despite an entire car full of people groaning and yelling "braaaaains!" one man was undeterred and got on.

The rally was great, from atop our perch on porta pottys. Met up with some other DC 2nd Ward members, and generally had a good time.

Here are the rest of the pictures.

Facebook Album.

Also, Susan and I went to the Halloween Dance yesterday as Death and Taxes.

As a bonus: 10 Reasons Mormons Should "Take It Down A Notch For America."

David Baker, My Backrubbing, Fencing, Singing, Dr. Who Watching, Gay Roommate of Awesome

2010-10-24T00:20:00.009-04:00

I wanted to write another huge post on homosexuality and talk about the talk by President Packer, the changes to his talk between the two versions (oral and written), the reaction to it, the church's reaction, etc. But really, I'm just not really up to that. I'll just refer you to my previous posts on homosexuality:

This one where nobody actually answers the bolded, centered, italicized question at the end. This other one. And this last one.

But I did want to share this article about my roommate David that came out a week ago.

Latter-Day Doubts?

David is one of those people that, even though I disagree with him on various theological points, I very much look up to him and the strength of his testimony. I have no doubt that he knows Jesus is the Christ, Joseph Smith was a prophet, the Book of Mormon is true, and we are the true church. I'm proud to count him among my friends, and grateful I am his roommate.

Bonus, a video of him at a gay bar in NYC (where, shockingly, people swear):

Open Letter to the DC 2nd Ward

2010-10-17T17:38:00.003-04:00

Dear DC 2nd Ward,

I'm sorry for stealing your ward choir director of over three years.

Yours,

Carl

P.S. I'm not really sorry.

P.P.S. The queen is dead. Long live the queen!

Wedding Site

2010-10-11T01:28:00.002-04:00

Our official wedding site is up.

Carl and Susan Wedding Site

Enjoy!

George Lucas Needs To Die

2010-10-09T11:50:00.003-04:00

Okay, maybe calling for the death of George Lucas is a bit extreme, but what else is the appropriate moral response to the man who keeps screwing with the movies you love so much?

Mr. Lucas recently announced that he's going to release the Star Wars movies in 3D.

I still fondly remember waiting in line for Episode I. The large, huge line of people waiting at the Wynnsong Cinema in north Provo became a kind of woodstock for nerds, and boy did we have fun. But, then we actually watched the movie.

I can remember being in denial about it. I can remember saying that I liked it. I can even recall that I went ten times to see it (mostly just because friends would invite me and I didn't have anything better to do). Then I went on my mission, and upon returning saw Episode II the next day.

I hated it. HATED it. And I knew why I hated it, aside from the fact that it was atrocious. As my friend Allan said, no matter how bad these prequels got, there's always hope that Lucas will attain his former greatness for the next one. And no matter how hard you try, how deep you bury it, how much mud and earth and cement you try to bury it under, the flicker of hope never fully dies. Its light always shines through. Besides, the trailers for Episode III looked good!

Then I watched this (I've edited it from its original cut):

The light of hope finally flickered and died. The moment I read "A Lost Hope" in this fake fan trailer was the moment my inner child died. He's been dead ever since.

As my birthday present that year Allan said he would buy me tickets to two movies, and opted to buy me a ticket to Episode III. Otherwise, I'm really not sure I would have ever actually seen it. And this one was actually okay, because for 10 minutes in the middle Anakin is a 2.5 dimensional character. Or maybe my expectations were so low that there was no way Lucas couldn't have reached them. I'm not sure. I've blogged about this before.

But when I hear Lucas is trying, yet again, to revisit (read: screw up) his original genius creations, I simply shake my head. You killed my inner child. Why would I go back?

So when this guy at CNN says, "We will say how we hate it. We will say we won't go. But as it gets closer we will cave. The worst part is you know we will and that we still care about your creations," I laugh.

I'm not going to go. I admit the possibility that someday I will see Star Wars in 3D if I'm ever at somebody's house, they have a 3D TV, and that's what all my friends vote to watch.

But it won't be my vote. You see, my friends, this, below, is the only appropriate moral response to George Lucas. It's not murder, but it'll do.

New CPR-No Certification Required

2010-10-01T09:52:00.005-04:00

Saw this and thought I'd pass along the good word to those who read this blog. Who knows. Might help save a life someday:

Article from the University of Arizona med school.

Engagement Photos

2010-09-30T10:56:00.002-04:00

Saturday was the day Susan and I had our Engagement Photos taken. Here they are on facebook. Thanks to Will Matthews for doing them for us. Susan and I are both delighted with how they turned out.

Mad Carl Disease!

2010-09-23T09:29:00.004-04:00

From my friend, Lyndsey.

Rally To Restore Sanity/Keep Fear Alive

2010-09-21T09:53:00.008-04:00

It's fun to watch some things happen in real time. I frequent reddit.com and watched the reactions to Glen Beck's Restoring Honor rally, which sent many moderate Mormons running to my singles ward, because the Tea Partiers showed up in droves in the family wards. I also saw when it was first suggested that Stephen Colbert hold a similar rally. I watched as someone had the brilliant idea of getting Colbert's attention by donating to a favored charity. You can read all about it here in The Atlantic.

Well, eventually, it got Colbert's attention, as well as Jon Stewart's (who I prefer as my comedian news source). I much prefer to watch them over actual news programs (actually, I read newspapers since I read substantially faster than anybody talks), and it appears that I'm in good company, based on polls about viewership. Here's CNN's report on viewership, and here's one from the Pew center.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Rally to Restore Sanity

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor

Tea Party

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

March to Keep Fear Alive Announcement

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

2010 Election

Fox News

I'm so going.

What do you think of this sign? Too much text?

Also, although it has some printed language, this mock up of Hitler is the only one of this particular internet meme that I've ever enjoyed.

Thoughts on the Burqua Ban

2010-09-17T17:47:00.015-04:00

I’ve been thinking about this issue for several years. In fact, I thought I was going to write about it a few months ago and even sent an email to a good friend, Beth, who did Middle Eastern Studies at BYU to ask her opinion about it, but then I didn’t ever write the post up. Anyway . . .

As expected, France did it. They passed a law banning the full Muslim veil, specifically the ones that cover faces, in public places. Ostensibly this new law wasn’t aimed directly at Muslims, but since I’m unaware of any other group who has women who cover head to toe, I’m not sure that’s actually a very useful thought.

So what do I think of this? Well, first, let’s get one thing out of the way.

Freedom of religion is not, and should not be, absolute. Just because you want to sacrifice your child to Moloch because you think the pagan God demands it, doesn’t mean that we, as a society, shouldn’t step in and save your kid. I’m using an extreme example, and there are more close-to-home ones, such as FGM (if you don’t know what that is then be warned it’s extremely disturbing if you decide look it up), or even the church in Oregon whose members keep letting their kids die from the most easily treatable medical conditions. In 1999 the Oregon state legislature banned the “spiritual healing” defense for such cases. And if you don’t vaccinate your kids for religious reasons, I’m sorry, I don’t want your kids attending public school.

So the question is this: does the Burqua qualify as such a religious practice that society should step in and regulate?

The place to go would be to women who actually wear the things. But sadly those articles are few and far between. I found this one, in searching for a similar one that I found a few months ago, but didn’t save the link. I do wonder if this is a statistically valid sampling of the female population that wear veils in all their variety. Also, remember the French ban is on face-covering veils. The niqab was not banned.

On the flip side, I’ve also read Infidel, by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, and whenever I stop by a bookstore I read a chapter out of her newer Nomad. And while I think she has some very good points, this review of Nomad does a good job of calling her out on her probably unjustified anti-Islamic rhetoric. My friend Deidre was very disappointed in me when she saw I was reading Infidel.

However, all discussion aside about how valuable (or not) her work is, there is enough of an element of truth to it that I think the flip side of those American Women who choose to wear veils is those who are forced to wear them. Hirsi Ali does do a good job of showing how the culture that surrounds the veil can be very damaging to women physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s not seen in some circles as a requirement for all times and places, but in others it is. And the reason is ostensibly because (according to Hirsi Ali) men would be drive into sexual frenzies by the sight of uncovered women, a fact that is demonstrably, um, not true. Or perhaps it’s a form of modesty—in some cultures (specifically some Middle Eastern cultures) a woman’s hair is seen as the most erotic part of her body. Breast feeding in public is common there, compared to here in the U.S.

In her email, Beth talks about how she was not groped or molested during her trip to Egypt, because she wore a “pirate-style” bandanna over her hair, while all the other girls in her BYU group were. This is what she looked like (thanks to her for the pictures):

What disturbed me about both Beth’s email and the article I couldn’t find about American women wearing the veil was this: If you entirely cover up to avoid harassment at work, here in America, that’s the wrong response. Call your HR department or the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission for sexual harassment. The issue here isn’t that you’re being an alluring women, it’s that the men, whether on the streets of Egypt or in an American workplace, never learned to respect women. As Beth said in her email “On the other hand, the harassment has strong roots in the segregation of men and women. Males hardly ever interact with females other than immediate family members and as a result many men never learn the proper way to treat women. It's a huge social problem. And unfortunately the veil serves to perpetuate that segregation.” The video in CNN article linked above has one of the interviewed women stating “why, immediately, when others see the niqab they don’t think about the fact that there’s a human being under there. There’s a woman under there. We’re women. We’re soft hearted.” Well, seems to me you’re missing the point in that it’s hard for me to approach you as an individual when you look like, well, like any other woman covered head to toe. I can’t tell you apart. Our major sense organs are our eyes, and you take away visual indications of who you are (or how to differentiate you) and you don’t expect there to be general repercussions?

So it seems that the veil may very well be one of those religious practices that, overall, is not in the best interests of society and therefore could be regulated by the government. All it does it serve to segregate men and women, perpetuate a view of women that is at worst very damaging to them, and at best is a misogynistic way of enforcing modesty. (At least Mormon garments are the same for both men and women—and nobody’s forced to wear them on the same way that some women are the veil.)

Then there’s also the fact that the veil is, in my opinion, the beginning of a view of women that ends with this very disturbingTime Magazine cover. I saw that cover in the airport in CA while hitting family reunions with Susan, and was very disappointed that it was covered with one of the shields. This Rolling Stone cover was not. I moved the shield to cover up Sex, God, and Katy Perry, and left the Afghan woman who had been so brutally assaulted uncovered.

So while you could make an argument that the veil is one of those practices that should be regulated by governments, it’s certainly nothing even close to a slam dunk, like the other examples I gave above. And I appreciate modesty. Certainly I’m attracted to attractive women. And it’s certainly easy to make yourself more attractive, in a sexual sense, by wearing less clothes. Caveat: If you have the body of Rosie O’Donnell, don’t dress like Paris Hilton.

But I wouldn’t date you. (Well, I wouldn’t date you now because I’m engaged to Susan, but I wouldn’t have dated you before either.)

And I certainly don’t want to infringe on religious liberties. I’m a Mormon. We’re not exactly well-liked, nor are we exactly in the majority.

Beth’s email was interesting because she hadn’t, as of July of this year when I first asked her about it, made up her mind. (She appears to still not have made up her mind, but is more leaning towards being in favor of the veiling practices than not.) I hadn’t made up my mind either. This is a thorny, complicated issue with many sides, opinions, variables, and considerations. But you know what? Weighing the Pro’s and the Con’s, and it pains me to have to resort to utilitarianism because I generally feel I’m more of a deontologist, I’m just going to say it. I’m also feeling culturally imperialistic, but here goes.

With a rather heavy heart I’m going to come out in favor of the ban. For far too many women world-wide it’s something they are forced to do. It’s misogynistic (it would not be if men had to similarly cover up). It turns women into non-entities. It creates too many problems for men and women to relate to each other in public, as per Beth’s email. In short, all of these negatives, and the worldview it generally engenders with its violence towards women, are not worth the positive of allowing religious freedom on this subject.

And I know that, in the short-term, there will be a bit of a backlash in France, and that in the short-term it will simply serve to segregate hijab-wearing women more there. I also know there are exceptions to just about every statement I’ve made in this blog post. But I’ve been thinking about this for several years now, and I’ve made my choice. The full burqua (covering everything but the eyes) is indeed a religious rights issue that a government can regulate.

But note I didn’t say should. If France feels that the negatives outweigh the positives in its country, than it can do so. Here in America, I don’t feel we would need to do so.

But I may be wrong on both counts. It’s been known to happen before.

Beth. Emily. Stephen. You guys are up. Thoughts?

Putting the "Men" in "Engagement"

2010-08-30T23:51:00.001-04:00

Another post for Not Another Wave is up. Wedding planning is going quite well, now that I realized it's 2010 and I should be involved. Really, it took Susan and I about 2 days to figure that out.

Anyway . . . Here's the link. Post your comments there.

Cranney Reunion

2010-08-26T10:17:00.005-04:00

January of 2006 Stephen left on his mission to Spain. He was out for approximately a year when Mom and Dad got their call to Russia, and they left in July of 2007. Even though everybody but me visited Russia, Mom was home for weddings, Xan came home to get ready for his mission, and Caleb and Catherine were home the summer of 2009, really, it had been since Stephen left for Spain that we had all been together.

So I give you . . .

Cranneys Together For the First Time in 4.5 Years (July 2010)

I would like to point out that Mom is holding a grandchild in all but 2 of the pictures, even when she's just lurking in the background, and in one of those two I made her put one down to hold the cookie jar I had bought her. She's in full blown Oma mode.

Engaged!

2010-08-16T12:17:00.026-04:00

Yes, it's true. Carl Cranney is engaged to Susan Mikkelsen! Yaaaaaaay!!!!

This is the obligatory post telling how I proposed so you can all hear the story. It's more fun to listen to Susan tell it, but I can already tell she's getting tired of telling it. Anyway . . . I wrote this up and then had her look it over.

Right after Susan went home from Utah I requested her thoughts on rings. On July 10 she sent me a 5-page document with various pictures of ring attributes she liked and didn’t like. She was worried the document would scare me off. It didn't. I then enlisted the help of Heidi Johnson, a mutual friend, and Haylee Stewart to go shopping for rings. All of the jewelers loved the document. The folks at Jared even asked if they could laminate it to show other guys what their girlfriends/fiancés should be doing to help out.

In the end, however, this ring looked like it would be the best given what she wrote. Here it is on Heidi’s finger, and then on Haylee’s.

Susan’s sister, Maren, was also helping long-distance as I sent her various pictures and asked her opinion. The final decision to propose was made in California, but I’ll put all those details in our courtship entry, which I’m sure will happen sometime soon.

So, got the ring from the Zales in Orem and had them Fed Ex it to me. Then on Friday I had to go to the Mall to get an actual box to put it in, and went down to scout out locations in the area with Russ Bowers. See, Susan and I are a bit odd, and we were planning on celebrating Valentine’s Day this past Friday. Why? Well, her birthday is February 15th, and she didn’t want to do Valentine’s Day in the cold month of February anyway, so we rescheduled. Then she got mono. We rescheduled again. We kept putting it off and off and finally settled on Friday the 13th of August. And I thought it would be awesome to get engaged on Friday the 13th. (FYI, we’re planning on celebrating Valentine’s Days on Fridays the 13th for the rest of our lives. Yes, we're weird. But we get 3 Valentine's Days in 2012, so eat that!)

The location was significant because Susan and I have discussed getting our pictures taken here. Basically, EVERY time we get lost in Virginia or the District, we end up on (or driving next to) the very same cobblestone street in Georgetown. This has happened three times. Anyway, Russ and I walked a few blocks in every direction and he pointed out the Francis Scott Key Park that was just around the corner from the bottom of that cobblestone street. While there Russ began to sing “Oh say can you see? Will you marry me?” That sealed it. This was the location. And I was going to write her a poem set to the meter of the Star Spangled Banner. I toyed with the idea of having my roommate Adam and his girlfriend Heather be on hand to make sure the park was clear, and then decided that Susan and I could just sit and wait for it to clear if need be.

Anyway, preparations done. When I got home I saw that phase 1 of the actual plan was complete. The flowers had been delivered to Susan at work.

She picked me up, I gave her Godiva chocolates, and we drove down to Georgetown for our meal at the 1789 restaurant.

I was so nervous I wasn’t sure I could eat the entire meal. I finally gave up during dessert. Wasn’t sure if my stomach could handle any more food since it had so many butterflies. The entire day felt like I was going on the most nerve-wracking first date ever. She had cheesecake for dessert and claims it was the best cheesecake ever. She even let me have a (very small) bite.

Afterwards, we went outside but instead of getting our car from the valets we walked the block to the cobblestone street. We tried taking a few self-portraits, but those are hard. Especially on an iPhone, because someone forgot to put the charging camera battery, you know, back in the actual camera.

Then I caught sight of a nun walking down that street, so I chased her down and had her take a few more.

The look on her face was priceless when she saw the wallpaper for my iPhone.

After that we walked over to the Francis Scott Key Park. We looked around at the signs for a moment and just enjoyed its beauty before I told her I had a poem for her.

Here it is, set to the meter of the Star Spangled Banner:

Oh say can you see
A way for us to marry
And make me the man
Whose happiest in the world
You are wise without guile
And have the most gorgeous smile
And in every way
You are the woman for me
So will you say yes?
Because that would be best.
And we can be joined
In matrimony
Oh say you'll marry me
Susan I'm asking you now
Because I love you
And I know you love me

I promise it works if you sing it. At this point she finally figured out that this wasn’t just a Valentine’s Day thing anymore. I pulled the ring out of my pocket, knelt down, and asked “Susan Mikkelsen, will you marry me?”

She said “yes.”

We hugged and hugged and hugged, and then I asked her if she wanted to try the ring on. We had to step out from under the arbor so she could see it, and she loves it. We just sat there for a minute, talking and crying together before we walked back to the hotel and got her car. She let me drive it for the first time. And as evidence that it really was the best cheesecake ever, she was more reluctant to give me a bite of that than to drive her car. The first stop was the temple, as Susan is still trying to get a perfect shot of it so her cousin can paint a picture.

The rest of the night was spent calling family and friends. Heidi Johnson sent us an email with this picture that she took that night while camping. This is what the sky was like that night.

So that’s the story. We got engaged at approximately 8 p.m. on Friday the 13th of August, 2010. Thanks to all who helped, offered to help, or offered prayers and well-wishes.

More Feminist Discussions

2010-07-23T12:07:00.004-04:00

Feminist discussions fun, as long as you have a thick skin and/or the ability to not take things super seriously or personal. Because if there's any kind of discussion that can escalate quickly into a shouting match, it's these kinds of discussions. I very much appreciate my friend Emily because she's hyper-intelligent, fun to talk to, insightful, and yet isn't mortally offended when I accidentally imply something horrible that I didn't actually mean. Which is another reason I appreciate her-she helps me refine my language so I (hopefully) won't imply such horrible things in the future.

In fact, my most popular post on this blog was Feminism and Mormon Dating. Recently a related issue (differences between male-female communication) was posted on Emily's feminist blog Not Another Wave, and for those who are interested, I give you the:

He's Just Not That Into Verbal Communication: Why Traditional Heterosexual Dating Turns Women Into "Communicators."

Go ahead and take a look. And comment. And I got an acronym!!

In that same vein, Susan sent me this article from the Washington Post that made my blood boil. "It's not a Mars/Venus thing." Actually it is, lady. Some women do want men to be mind-readers. I don't have statistics, so I can't of course say it's a majority of women, but I also anecdotally wouldn't be surprised if a) at least all women at some point want men to be mind-readers (much more than men), or b) it is a majority of women, period.

This woman appears to be one of the ones that expects the man to read minds, and your advice seems unhelpful. And that's putting it nicely. Of course the woman is "the other" to a certain extent. I LOVED this article from the NY Times last year: My Brief Life As A Woman. And that's the beauty of it. More on this when I (God willing) write my dissertation on a theology of sexual difference and how marriage is a chance for us to learn to serve this utterly foreign being and make them happy. Anyway, your telling this poor man that his wife's idea of romance is "a loving mate will study her wants and needs, and then step up wordlessly to satisfy them" despite the fact that her needs are varied, unclear, and change day to day (if not more frequently). Does she really want a salad when she comes home every day? And yes, you acknowledge that this is the woman's fault for buying into our culture's view of romance, but don't then consider the possibility that, in the end, she might actually still be the kind of person our culture's view of romance dictates. Don't stereotypes exist for a reason? And how well do you think it will go over if the guy says "you're just living in a fantasy world created by romantic comedies!" (Hint: Not well, even if he phrases it as politic as possible.)

Women and men are different. And that's part of the fun. Doesn't mean it's not frustrating at times (especially when it comes to communication), but rather than all come together into a homogenous realm of "communication" we need to acknowledge the difference in communication styles, and make sure that information is actually being communicated. Girls dropping hints, is, for example, not communication. Because very very very very very very very rarely is the information actually received. I had a friend who had a girl, that he was interested in, offer to make out with him. Right there. On the couch. He didn't get it, because she was too subtle about it. I may have a fuzzy, second-hand memory, but she said something like "actually, I kind of would like to make out with you."

If that's not a good anecdote (yes, I know, it's not data) I'm not sure what is.

To quote Amy Clason, again: Boys are dumb, and girls are complicated.

Anyway, this blossomed into something bigger than I expected. The real point of this was to point those who read this blog to the Not Another Wave Blog to get your comments there. I would have posted this yesterday, but the Fox News thing just had to go up.

This Is Why I Don't Watch Fox News

2010-07-22T12:02:00.005-04:00

I know that Fox is a way to get some stories that other news outlets don't. I know that Fox is the only conservative game in town, and I'm more conservative than liberal! I know that I would probably agree with a lot of what they say. But every time I try, I get things like this (and let's not even talk about Glen Beck, the man is certifiable):

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

That's right out of 1984-the scene where they're all at a rally against one of the other 2 superpowers, I forget which one, and suddenly the rally speaker yells out that they are actually at war with the other superpower. Someone has infiltrated and set up banners and made us all think we were at war with the other one! Quick! Destroy the banners! Clearly we have all been deceived by nefarious agents!

I always wondered at that part. Wondered if any humans would actually be so stupid as to switch opinions in the middle of a rally. It would be as if we were attending an anti-Iran rally, and suddenly we all switched, at the drop of a hat, to realize that our true enemy wasn't Iran at all, it was Columbia! Columbians must have deceived us into thinking Iran was our enemy! Down with Columbia!

But then I watch clips like this, and I realize that, just maybe, people actually are that stupid. Yes, I'm not 100% a fan of everything Rachel Maddow says in this clip, but the last 10 seconds are quite relevant. And that's why I wish there was another conservative news outlet. Right now Fox has a monopoly, and they're running amok with it far too often.

Oddly enough, Glen Beck appeared to be the voice of moderation on this one. Even a broken clock is right 2 times a day.

New Voicemail?

2010-07-20T11:46:00.011-04:00

So, the Old Spice commercials are pretty cool. In case haven't you seen them:

It's also spawned some hilarious spoofs, the best of which is from my undergraduate university's library:

And then the Old Spice advertising team thought it would be a good idea to have the Old Spice man answer questions from the internet. You ought to check them out. There's like 100 of them. My favorite is this one:

So I decided to take the pieces of that one for my own phone message (edited so it doesn't include my entire phone number).

I'm seriously tempted to use it. What do you think?

Also, if you want to make your own Old Spice Voicemail, here you go. But just so you know, I edited mine myself before I discovered this site.

Farewell to Nathan, Robin, and Alex

2010-07-17T08:08:00.009-04:00

Nathan and Robin left this morning to drive to Greensburgh, PA where Nathan will begin his graduate work to become a Doctor of Osteopathy.

Here's hoping they do a little better than Elder Holland did in this Mormon Message, driving from Utah to Connecticut for Grad School.

And here's the family photo we took yesterday, as we are now.